Life in Progression

For the love of music.

2012-01-18T16:51:00.000-08:00

Hey guys! How many of you out there like 50 and 60s era music? Chris and I both enjoy listening to it, from alternative music to bluegrass country tours. Ticketamerica.com has concert tickets for all different varieties of music from the 50 and 60's era to the alternative rock that has become mainstream to blue grass country music in all cities.

Do you listen to any of it and if so, what's your favorite band/song?

OUR WEBSITE!

2011-08-24T13:20:00.000-07:00

Check out our photography website http://dcwilliamsphotography.com

AND our facebook: http://www.facebook.com/DCWilliamsPhotography

New dog toy

2011-07-16T18:02:00.000-07:00

Out younger chihuahua, Lil' Bit, loves the bad cuz toys. She got her first one about five years ago and as of today is on her fourth. She plays with them until they no longer squeak and have all kinds of "war" wounds. Even then she will still carry it with her everywhere, literally. She takes it to bed, to go potty, anywhere we may go be it a trip out of state or just down the road. She has to have it with her at all times, so no matter how much I try to keep them clean they always end up smelly. It's like her safety blanket. So today I finally got her another new one, one that squeaks and is, of course, squeaky clean. What does this mean for us? Well, it means that not only will she NOT play with the new one, she's going to search for her old one for weeks and weeks before finally giving in. lol.

Word-Filled Wednesday #3

2011-06-08T11:19:00.000-07:00

picture credit=?; edited by me.

Word-Filled Wednesday #2

2011-05-25T08:20:00.000-07:00

picture credit=?; edited by me.

My Tuesday Truth: Coupons

2011-05-24T08:43:00.000-07:00

I'm going coupon crazy lately! Coupons are awesome at saving you a little here and there and who doesn't need that!?! Last year I started hearing about all these people doing this "coupon" crazy thing where people would buy like 200 bucks worth of groceries and get out with only spending 68 bucks or such. I'm finally trying to jump on the bandwagon. Who knew there would be things to learn about couponing!! That's right, I'm going to what some would call the extreme with couponing. I'll keep everyone updated on the ins and outs and how it goes - if it's worth it, ect. I've also been doing paid to click sites again. I've found that if you redeem coupons that you get at InboxDollars you can also get cash from there. It's only ten cents a coupon, but hey, that will definitely add up!

My Tuesday Truth = Coupons are great!

What wood for my guitar?

2011-05-20T07:20:00.000-07:00

I think you'll get responses that are going to be all over the map. There are extremes where the wood choice really matters based on the guitar construction as well as the pickups and bridge... strings.... I think if the pickups are on the sensitive side and the mid-range of the pickups is not too overpowering - assuming the setup is not a problem: Then woods matter more IMO on a Tele.

Most of the wood choice would generally have to be for looks, but (assuming that the woods are straight grained and clear) Mahogany is going to give a little less attack, so the decay of the notes is a little more noticeable IMO and more low-mid response with softer high end; and spruce will give you a lot more attack and have a really flat response (a little sharper high end and a fairly deep sounding lowend - kind of a 'scooped' tone with pickups that have a flat response) IMO having made/played Teles made out of similar softwoods.

Assuming the body is going to weigh between 4.5 lbs and 6.5 lbs, the way I see the tonal spectrum of woods used as a body Rosewood-like woods (perhaps with some chambering) would have more of a bass, or low-mid, tone and dense-ash or Maple would have more of a high-end, or upper-mid response - there are middle of the road woods like Alder or Yellow Poplar and medium-weight Ash that would be somewhere in the middle and there would be little difference in their tone, but it really depends on the guitar and the pickups used. The weight of the body matters for some woods like Ash - light ash (around 3 lbs for a body) will sound different than heavier ash (above 6 lbs) if the pickups are more of a vintage tone - that is not mid-heavy and fairly sensitive. Most pickups that people seem to put on DIY guitars these days seem to be overwound or have stronger magnets in them when compared to more vintage like pickups, thus with those pickups the wood that is used in the guitar would have little to do with the resulting tone that comes out of the amp. A lot of people also plug into multi-effects boxes - which seem to add compression and EQ no matter what is selected: Using one of those, the dominate tone is going to be the multi-effects box. No matter what, the amp is going to have a major contribution to the tone too. So it all has to work together if you want to hear the tone differences in woods as what comes out of the speaker and flooding a room - then coming back to your ears.

It all depends on what kind of sound you are looking for. As long as you choose a wood that is not too far out on the tonal spectrum as Rosewood or Maple would be - then I would choose a wood for looks and weight: Keeping in mind that all woods do something to the tone if the right pickups/effects/amp allow you to hear it.

ALSO! I'll go on record and say that IMHO your pickups, amp and playing style are going to have more measurable effect on tone than body and neck woods. If it were me, I'd be considering what looks nice and preferably, what weighs less. And besides all of my customs guitar are freaking awesome! ;)

Television, although I rarely watch it....

2011-05-19T17:26:00.000-07:00

I've started watching The Office on Netflix. I'm on the third season and I'm totally addicted.It's not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I'm completely sucked into the Pam/Jim love thing going on. Last week was the end of the second season of the Vampire Diaries, so I'm glad I've found something to watch in the meantime... now as to what I'm going to watch once I'm done with The Office.... no clue!

Between love and madness, lies xenophobia

Jumping Rooftops

2011-05-06T05:45:00.000-07:00

credit: the art of manliness

So you’re being pursued by spies/and or ninjas who want you dead. They’ve chased you through a building and onto the rooftop. You sprint towards the edge of the building and look down at the tiny cars passing below. There’s nowhere to go…except the roof of the adjacent building. You’re going to have to jump.

You’ve developed the power and strength you need to make this leap, but do you know how to do it in a way that maximizes your chances for survival?

Here’s how to jump from rooftop to rooftop like Jason Bourne.

Assess the situation. Gauge how far the building is from where you are standing. The maximum distance most people can jump, even with a running start, is about 10 feet. If the roof you’re jumping onto is lower than the one you’re leaping from, you might be able to go a couple feet more because of the added momentum.

Sprint. You need to get a running start; without one, you’re not going to go very far. To clear a 10 foot gap, you’ll need at least 40-60 feet of runway. Sprint like the dickens towards the edge of the building.

Leap. You’re going to want to jump up and out, so swing your arms back and then jump at a 45 degree angle, letting your arms come forward as you leap. Put your whole body into it. Focus on where you want to land.

Land. At the midpoint of your jump, bring your knees up in front of you so that your thighs form a 90 degree angle with your body. Keep looking at your landing spot. As you near your landing, aggressively straighten out your legs and point your toes; the balls of your feet will hit first and absorb the tension of the landing, keeping you stable. Your feet should be shoulder-width apart with your knees slightly bent. As you land, your knees will instinctively bend, but try to keep them from going down father than a 90 degree angle with the ground. Let your torso sink towards your legs, and place your hands on the ground.

Roll. You want to roll on your shoulder, diagonally across your back, so you’re rolling from one shoulder to the opposite hip. Tuck your head under your armpit as you go into the roll. Concentrate on rounding your body and making yourself into a ball. Keep yourself tucked as your weight carries you through the roll and keep your knees bent and your weight low as you rise to your feet. Now scan the rooftop for would-be attackers and ninjas or use the momentum from your roll to continue your sprint.

CRAP! I didn’t quite make it… So now you’re dangling from the building, holding onto the ledge for dear life. To get yourself to safety, bring your knees into your chest and press your toes into the side of the building. Push your legs up by your toes and pull your body up by your hands at the same time. Really push with those legs—they’ll have much more strength and power than your arms. When your shoulders clear the top of the ledge, move your hands so that your palms are flat against the surface of the ledge, straighten out your arms, and push your body up. Lean forward so that your center of gravity is on the safety side, so you won’t fall to your death if you lose your balance.

Once half of your body is above the wall, bring your legs over the side. Change your pants.

Wear your heart for all to see.

2011-04-25T08:59:00.000-07:00

On April 25th, 2011, there will be a day dedicated to people who are battling depression and suicide and to advocate a lifestyle of unconditional love, on this day, draw a heart on your wrist (to symbolize that you are wearing your heart on your sleeve). Ask someone how they’re doing. Tell someone you love them. Nobody should have to feel so bad about themselves that they take their own life. Take this challenge. Save someone’s life.

my heart; mine & two co-worker's hearts

chris' heart

Memory Monday #2

2011-04-18T08:19:00.000-07:00

August 18th, 2001

A night that changed my life's path. I was 17 years old. Above is a picture of Mikey and I, my ex-husband's cousin. That night we had a party at the place Mikey and his older brother were renting. I will always remember that night and all the other great nights that all of us shared together. Back then we were all the best of friends, and I felt so very lucky to have them in my life. Life was good, it was fun, it hadn't gotten completely real yet...

Mikey passed away after turning 26, today he would be 29 years old. I miss him alot. I always will. Back when we were teenagers he was my most trusted friend, my closest friend. I miss that bond we had. I miss being young together. Hold on to your youth and enjoy it while you can - it's gone so fast!!

"Youth is, after all, just a moment, but it is the moment, the spark, that you always carry in your heart.” - Raisa M. Gorbachev

The best is yet to be.

2011-04-15T09:02:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is the three week marker for mine and Chris' trip to New York. A few weeks shy of a year since my trip with Jenna. It seems like it was years ago. I came home to a life falling apart. Little did I know, I had to fall and hit bottom before I could become a better person and find who I once was.

Looking back, I know that the events that took place when I got back home had been set in motion years before. It was something that was silently waiting to explode, as things of that nature often do. I fought so very hard not to become a statistic, but over time I've realized that I was looking at it in all the wrong ways.

Here I am, three months shy of turning 28. I had a 7 1/2 year marriage - that was a 10 year relationship - that has been placed behind me, in my tote of "past" baggage. Nearly eight months ago I married a wonderful, loving man with an amazing soul and all I can do is wait in anticipation for the rest of my life with him to unfold. My divorce didn't make me a statistic, it gave me a story. It gave me wisdom. It gave me a whole new outlook on EVERYthing.

My body is twenty years ahead of me, literally. Three years of being without all my "female reproductive organs" has taught me even more about who I will be, who I am becoming, the older me. So many people are always questing to "find themselves", well, I've come to believe that "yourself" finds you. Life is wonderful, no matter how difficult it gets at times, it's all so very worth it.

28... wow. I look in the mirror and I can already see my face changing. Not anything that anyone else would notice, but I can see it. The lines that weren't there before. The glimpses of past heartaches that sometimes shine through in my eyes. I wouldn't change a thing. Love has taken over and God along with time has healed all of my past wounds. Life - its beautiful and the best is yet to come!

My Tuesday Truth #1

2011-04-12T08:52:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite songs growing up was Paula Abdul's "Opposites Attract". However being a young impressionable female it left me feeling that I needed someone completely different from me, someone that wasn't so typical.

"In Western society, humans use neither an 'opposites-attract' nor a 'reproductive-potentials-attract' rule in their choice of long-term partners, but rather a 'likes-attract' rule based on a preference for partners who are similar to themselves across a number of characteristics."

My truth on opposites attracting. After lots of research as well as my many years with someone whom I didn't share beliefs or a similar upbringing with - while yes, we had similar intrests, the core of each of us were total opposites - my conclusion is that while at times opposites do attract, it's not always best for the parties involved. Difference can be sexy, myseterious, and challening, but not always good. I'm not saying that it never works; I'm not saying that you shouldn't try if that's what you're leaning for, but I am saying that so many times it can do more harm than good.

A study conducted by the University of Iowa in 2005, for example, stated that similarity in personality was more important than similarities in attitude, religion, and values in forming a happy marriage. Like-minded people validate each other's beliefs and views, and there tend to be fewer conflicts as a result.

So much of the time we run off of our "likes" connecting with the other individual's likes. Which, in a short span of time works well, but what about for long term? If you don't share the same core values and morals, what then? Do you give in all the time or is it a constant battle? Sure, love and relationships are all about compromising, but what happens when it's not something compromisable? Is an "opposites-attract" outlook something that will work long term when the situation is opposing who you are deep down?

"Although many individuals occasionally feel attracted to 'opposites,' attractions between opposites often do not develop into serious intimate relationships and, when they do, these relationships often end prematurely," says Pieternel Dijkstra, a professor at the University of Groningen.

The crazy thing is, is that what initially attracts us to someone is what will probably bug us in the future. We often look for an opposite that can sort of complete us, but in doing this are we setting ourselves up for failure?

My truth, i.e. my opinion, is that no, it doesn't work for the long run. Sure it starts off good. Exciting, adventurous if you will, but sooner or later it's going to burn out - the differences will create a wedge... or a gulf between you.

I must get myself back to work! Opinions are welcome!!

Memory Monday #1

2011-04-11T08:39:00.000-07:00

Anyone is invited to join in! I've searched and searched for a good Monday Meme for sometime and decided just to start doing this on Mondays. Memories are things that we can never run out of, so it should keep me busy on Mondays, right? Let's hope so. I really need to be making more posts and while I do have a craft entry in mind I'm currently at work and don't have access to the things on my own computer, so this will have to do. Memory Mondays can include stories, pictures, ext and be about any memeory at all that you would like to share.

My very first Memory Moday is about a show I use to love watching as a child. Anyone remember Pinwheel? It aired on Nickelodeon in the late 70s-early 80s. I don't rememeber very much about the episodes themselves, but I do remember the characters and how I use to sit at my little "keyboard" and try to play the opening theme song. lol. It was Canada's version of Sesame Street, and I absolutely loved it as a child.

Among the regular puppet stars were the inseparable Plus and Minus, Luigi O’Brien and his talking vegetables, "Hobo Bugs" Herbert and Lulu (creators of the "Hobo Bug Giggle Dance"), Molly the mole, the Admiral Bird, Silas the Snail, and Ebenezer T. Squint, a large, green puppet.

The show also included several animated shorts from Europe. These skits ranged from obscure favorites, such as "King Rollo" and "Magic Roundabout," to more established classics, like "Paddington Bear" and "Madeline."

The British segment "Simon in the Land of Chalk Drawings" earned its own distinction by becoming the basis for a Mike Myers parody on Saturday Night Live. "Now you know my name is Simon, and the things I draw come true. And the pictures take me, take me, over the garden wall with you," sang the adventurous little boy (though not in a bathtub, as fans of the Myers skit may think). After creating a chalk scene, Simon would indeed climb over the garden wall and find himself immersed in the land he had just drawn. For a few hours, he could enjoy the pleasure of exploring his own imagination.

You Need a Budget part DOS!

2011-04-04T12:10:00.000-07:00

So I've actually started doing this 2 months prior to me posting it. Just didn't post it until March. Shame on me I know. I must say this works GREAT! So far I have paid $1700 dollars in credit card debt and stashed $1200 in savings. It feels SOOOOO good not to have that debt hanging over my head. By over budgeting my bills and under budgeting my paycheck, then taking the extra right to savings, I have saved a ton of money. Plus it helps to have an awesome Wife who doesn't mind helping with the bills! :)

Please try this just for one month and I promise you it will change your life. If it doesn't I will give you a dollar! What do you have to lose besides debt?

http://lifeinprogression.blogspot.com/2011/03/you-need-budget-and-so-do-i.html

I think I'll move to Australia.

2011-03-31T09:20:00.000-07:00

Today is one of those days that have me thinking of "Alexander and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day." It's been raining for four days straight now and the children are stir crazy - and I'm in the worst of moods. They are just as tired of being cramped up in that room as I am! We're all so cranky and the day isn't even half over yet. Ugh.

I woke up so many times last night that I stopped keeping count. Then I had the most horrible dream and it kept coming back every single time I'd go back to sleep. The dream itself I don't really remember much of, but it's had a lasting affect on my mood. To say I woke up on the wrong side of the bed is a serious understatement. Ugh. Can this day just be over with already? I'll be so glad when I can go to bed!!!

Wedding post soon.

2011-03-28T18:40:00.000-07:00

Until then :

love.

2011-03-10T15:37:00.000-08:00

You need a budget! ...and so do I

2011-03-01T06:02:00.000-08:00

I look at my life and bills and wonder what the crap HAPPEN!! Unfortunately I'm sure most of you can relate. After trying to use programs like MS Money, Quicken, MINT, and a tone of others I found out that those programs are for people of actually have there financial life under control. But we are different! We live on the edge! Which while being exciting at times... I'm sure it's not to best way to live. So I made a plan and using this plan I hope to pay off all my credit cards, build OSM (oh shoot money), retirement plan, and truly becoming financially independent. What better time to do that then on my birthday! :)

Heres the plan!

I get paid every two weeks, and I have found it easier to budget by breaking it down by pay period.
For the purpose of this example, let's say I make net $1500 every two weeks, and I'll use the first pay period as an example.

1. Always pay yourself (savings account) first.
I try to save $100 every two weeks. So $1500-$100= $1400

2. Divide mortgage/rent by 2.
If $1355/2=$677.50, then $1400-$677.50 = $722.50

3. Divide your recurring bills for the month into similar amounts.
If $723.79/2 = $361.89, then $722.50-$361.89 = 360.61

So now, we're at 360.61

4. Now, I get paid on the 1st and the 16th. So my $360.61 needs to cover me from the 1st until the 15th.
So, $360.61/15=$24, so I have $24 allowed to spend for every single day until the next pay period (this is for groceries, gas, etc…).

5. If I go “over” on any given day, then I just re-compute based on the balance I have left. For example, if I spend $100 on Groceries and gas on the 1st, then I just re-calculate for the other 14 days ($360.61-$100=$260.61/14= $18.61 a day).

Screwing up at the beginning (going over), isn't that painful, since the overage is spread out over a (relatively) long period of time. (I very rarely get an “overage”, it's hard to spend $24 a day on just daily expenses) Towards the end, you'll notice that the times you could only really spend maybe $10 or less, will boost your daily “allowance” significantly.

Usually, by the end of the pay period (on Day 15), I'll have like a $100 “allowance” for the day. On the 15th, I transfer over (to savings) whatever I had left from the beginning-of-the-month paycheck.

To make things even simpler I have put together a spreadsheet.

NOTE: "Totals; Mortgage/Rent" must be changed manually. Daily Allowance takes the "After Bills" and divides that by the "Allowance Days" number. Everything else is auto pilot for your enjoyment. I will be doing this method and I will report at then end of the month how it has changed my financial life. Care to join me?

share files free

If you don't have Microsoft Excel... do as I do and use LibreOffice. It's awesome and free!

Weddings = Work

2011-02-15T08:47:00.000-08:00

Chris and I were married at the courthouse in September, but our ceremony is next month. Needless to say, our focus has been hugely on the wedding stuff!! Well, more my focus than his. lol. I knew there was a lot involved, but I never realized just HOW much!! Hopefully things will be back to normal soon and I'll be updating normally again.

I'm waiting until the end of the month to post the next giveaway.

Word-Filled Wednesday

2011-01-26T08:28:00.000-08:00

As I was sitting at home last night I began to think about all the wonderful things that God has blessed me with in the past several months. This verse from Psalms popped into my head and I couldn't shake the feeling of absolute gratitude and unworthiness that I began to feel. I began searching around for the perfect picture since I knew that I didn't have one that would capture what I was looking for. I found it here in this picture. I feel that it not only captures the devastation that we sometimes go though in this life, but also the hope and beauty that the Lord gives us when we stay strong in our faith knowing that He will pull us out and beyond our circumstances and bless us more than we ever could have imagined.

I already feel so far removed from the pain and loss that I was feeling not nearly a year ago. I know that I wouldn't be where I am without Him. He has carried me when I was too weak to walk, comforted me when I felt I would never know hope again and He's given me amazing angels to light my way. My life was turned upside down, but in the midst of it He turned it into the greatest blessing ever! I am reminded of Job, although my loss could never measure up to that of his. How sad that sometimes it takes things of this measure to bring us back to Him, but how wonderful it is that he stretches His loving arms wide for us to run to!!!

Building Guitars for you!

2011-01-24T05:05:00.000-08:00

I build guitars at cost. Seen above is my #1. My Pride and Joy as Mr SRV would put it. It is a Swamp Wood Ash Telecaster style with a Seymour Duncan 59 Humbucker in the Neck and a Seymour Duncan Jerry Donahue in the Bridge. It is routed for a Strat style Middle pickup but it's so sweet as it is I may not put one! All parts are 100% made in the US... apart from the pickups and tuners. I have no idea were they are made. Depending on parts, wood selection , and color will determine the price of the guitar but no labor will be charged. The above guitar cost me $500. Which is a lot less then some of the big names. And even then most of the guitars I bought I ended up switching the pickups to get that prefect tone. Not sure what will give you that tone in your head? No problem! Just give me a buzz and I will bring the tone in your head to life. If you are interested feel free to contact me on facebook, email, or leave a comment and we can make your dream guitar a reality!

Sunday Showcase #1

2011-01-23T14:37:00.000-08:00

New Dimensions Learning Center

Jacksonville, Florida

"New Dimensions Learning Center’s primary goal is to encourage your children to achieve their maximum capabilities in all aspects of personal growth at their own rate of individual development. We believe that children have a natural desire to learn and our role is to prepare them for greater achievement in school and to attain the skills necessary for success in life...."

I can personally vouch for all of the teachers and staff, this is after all, my place of employment! If you live or know anyone that lives in the area please don't forget to stop by the NDLC website and/or add NDLC on facebook!!

If you would like to be showcased on Sunday Showcase please leave a comment on this entry. :)

Sunday Showcase

2011-01-22T19:24:00.000-08:00

Every Sunday I'm going to choose a personal site/blog/business site to showcase. If you'd like to be selected please leave a comment describing the site that you would like showcased. In order to be chosen you must add a link to our site on your blogroll or links section.

I realize that tomorrow's showcase won't have many contestants, but there's always next Sunday!!

Fix-It Friday #83

2011-01-21T08:04:00.000-08:00

Concealed Carry

2011-01-06T15:32:00.000-08:00

I wanted to take a moment to talk about Concealed Carry. On the news the other day they were talking about how Concealed Carry is a bad idea. I beg to differ but you do have to be aware of a few things before you make that choice.

You really need to do everything in your power to extricate yourself from problems. Why? Because your carrying a gun! Defuse the situation because you will be accountable in your ability to do so. Just because you are threaten with your life you will still go to court and be accountable for your actions. When you go to court you are going to be faced with, "Well you went looking for trouble, you faced off with that individual, you knew you where carrying a gun, you said things to him to escalate the conflict. He brought out a knife and you brought out a gun and you were the initiator of that conflict." If you carry it is to be used as a LAST I repeat LAST resort. After and only after you have gone though everything you can to defuse the situation and you can't run then maybe just maybe your cleared to engage. Although like I said you will still go to court and be accountable for your decision. What were your actions other then engaging with force. The judge may hate CCW. He may think that by you carrying a gun you are the biggest threat to society. Not only that but you have you live with that decision you made.

Think about all this before hand. Before you carry. If you can get out of there with out lethal force then you don't have legal problems... you don't have you live maiming a person for life or possible killing them. Then it's all good. Your not going to be a wuss I think your a better person for it. Your still alive... you have a clear heart about it... you get to go home you to your family... no going to court. If that's being a wuss then I'm a wuss. If you decide to carry I think you should be a skilled negotiator. Try to reason with the person if possible. Have I had to do this? YES! That is always the first thing I do to defuse a treat. I try to be a peaceful person. But I have been in a situation where I was confronted by two guys trying to rob me. After trying talk my way out of it without engaging I made my gun visible while still holstered. The attitude change rather quickly as they told me to have a nice day and walked away from where ever scum come from. I choose to carry because places that I work are not that great of an area. I don't ever want to use it but if something happened to were I needed it then I'd like the means to defend myself.

Looking for input!!

2011-01-02T18:38:00.000-08:00

What are your thoughts on having large dogs inside? What about when you and your spouse are gone 8+ hrs. each day and the large dog is stuck inside and rarely gets to go out during the daytime unless it's on a weekend? How would you like to have that kind of life, only seeing the sunshine through a window for about five days a week. What if this large dog was/is high energy and needs more attention? What would you do?

My husband and I have two dogs, his black mouth cur and my chihuahua. We both love dogs immensely. However, with both of us working full time the dogs get a few minutes in the mornings before I leave to go out. If he gets off early enough and still has day light he will get out and play with them when he gets home, BUT the problem there is that he works late a lot. The most exercise they get is during the weekend. We try to take them to the dog park at least once every weekend, but sometimes that's the most exercise they get because we even have busy weekend schedules. Pudd, our chihuahua, could care less. As he's gotten older he only gets a good spurt of energy every once in a while and it's usually in the evenings before bed. Even when we're here with them he prefers to sleep all day - he's never been too active. lol. Frankie, our black mouth cur, is the complete opposite. She thrives and craves not only activity, but attention as well. Pudd is a little more like a cat in that he can do with or without it for the most part.

Another issue that we're having is that Frankie's shedding is increasingly becoming an issue with Chris' allergies. She sheds her coat everyday if not twice a day! Lately we've been having to lock her out of our bedroom during the day because she got into a habit of jumping up on our bed. Chris started having problems being able to breathe at night and we figured out that was why. I can seriously sweep all the hair up in the house and by the end of the day it's like I never touched it at all. Don't even get me started on the rugs!!! Chris can brush her, wash her, then brush her again and still get TONS of hair off of her, it's insane.

He began talking to me today about finding her a new home. One where she can run outside and enjoy her life. A home with someone that can give her lots and lots of attention. Is this wrong of us? We want what's best for HER as well as what's best for Chris' allergies! We love her so much, I can't imagine what I'll do without her. She makes me feel safe, but if I/we truly love her then we'll do what's right for her... right? She just doesn't seem happy being cooped up and she's constantly acting like she's just not getting enough love. :| I hate seeing her like that.

Do we still want two dogs? Yes, but we feel like we need something that fits our energy level. Not a tiny dog, like Pudd, but something smaller than Frankie. Are we horrible for feeling this way?

2010 Wrap Up.

2010-12-31T06:47:00.000-08:00

The last day of 2010. Thank God. This year has been a VERY eventful year full of changes.

January found me with my first fully broken bone, a rib bone to be exact. There was a possibility of two being broken, but I didn't want to pay for an x-ray. lol.
I shot my first church wedding in March.
In April my emotions were getting the better of me. I was angry and emotional - a lot.
I went to New York and New Jersey for the first time in May. Had a great trip! Came back home and found out that my husband of 7 1/2 years didn't want to be married to me any more.
My little brother got married in June.
In July I turned 27, finalized my divorce and before the month was up I met Chris.
August was filled with trips to Jacksonville to spend time with my boyfriend, Chris. We rotated the traveling.
In September Chris and I were married and I moved down to Jacksonville.
October found me teaching at a school that, for sake of a long story, I didn't feel was right for me.
November found me job hunting again. I also had my first family gathering with half of Chris' family.
Chris and I had our first Christmas this December! I also found an amazing job at the beginning of the month, teaching at a wonderful school. Oh, and our parents met for the first time! lol.

And that my dear friends is my 2010 wrap up. This year has been filled with many firsts and I know that I have many more to come in the upcoming year. I'm looking forward to a new year here in this new life of mine.

My day of thanks.

2010-12-28T05:15:00.000-08:00

December 28th. Eight years ago on this day I was a huge jumble of emotions. Excited, ~~scared~~ terrified and nervous. One minute I wanted to back out, the next minute I couldn't wait. I had alot of doubts, but just brushed them off to cold feet - 'cause everybody gets cold feet, right? That was my way of justifying it. Justifying what? Marrying someone that I knew in my soul didn't love me nearly as much as I loved him. However after years of still feeling that, my love died and my soul was following. I watched myself turn into someone that even I didn't love. So, it only seems fitting that today I will give thanks.

Thank you for letting me go. Thank you for never loving me enough. Thank you for giving up on me. Thank you for always making me feel that every little thing I said or did got on your nerves. Thank you for not telling me every day how much you loved me. See, love said, but not shown is just hollow words. Thank you for getting so angry at me so much. Thank you for not understanding me. Thank you for everything you did and didn't do. Thank you for making me feel crazy. Thank you for pushing me away. Thank you for continuously bringing up things I did when I was an immature teenager. Thank you for holding on long enough so that I could really open up my eyes to what my life had become. Thank you, because without any of the past seven (plus two) years then I wouldn't be able to truly appreciate what a wonderful, loving man I have now.

On that note, here is my thanks to my husband, Chris, the other half of my being, the man that God created for me to share my life with. Thank you for understanding me, for knowing my thoughts and feelings and why they are the way that they are. Thank you for loving me, for showing me every second of every day and sometimes telling me twice that amount. Thank you for loving my ideas. Thank you for enjoying our conversations, even when I come up with some pretty silly things sometimes. Thank you for accepting and loving every aspect of who I am even during the times when we don't agree on things. Thank you for always respecting me. Thank you for your effort to be the best husband and man you can be, you exceed this daily! Thank you for being YOU. Thank you for your love. Thank you for being a man that is constantly seeking God and willing to do what it takes to truly live for Him. Thank you for sharing your life with me. I love you more than words will ever be able to express. Thank you for not only being my husband, but my best friend as well.

Our four day weekend.

2010-12-26T13:45:00.000-08:00

Thursday evening my parents came down for the night. They brought my old hutch/china cabinet and table as well as a few other things with them. Since my parents and Chris' parents have never met we "took" them out to eat, so it was the six of us as well as two of Chris' sisters. One minute we were sitting around not talking and the next minute we were all sharing stories and laughing. It was great!

Friday morning Chris and I got up and made breakfast then Chris and my dad unloaded the stuff from my dad's truck. Everything was covered in ice, so as soon as it made it past the front door I was there ready to wipe the ice off with a towel. lol. My parents left a little before noon and we pretty much had a really lazy day. I took about a two or three hour nap. Saturday morning we went to Chris' mom's house for breakfast and to do the family Christmas, afterwards we came home, did our Christmas then went back to his mom's for lunch and to play Chinese Christmas.

Today Chris' dad and his wife visited and we went out to eat with them. Had a wonderful time. I feel very blessed and loved to be a part of Chris' life and a part of his wonderful family. It's like I got a double dose, well, a triple dose of blessings actually. Not only to I have my amazing family, but I have his x2! ^.^

New year, new freebies.

2010-12-23T05:09:00.001-08:00

I'm starting the new year off with a giveaway! Follow me, link me and stay tuned for more information!

Tackle It Tuesday #1

2010-12-21T18:20:00.000-08:00

My goal for this week is to get the rest of my Christmas shopping done and then to wrap presents!!!! This probably won't get done until Friday, since I have that day off and I know that I'll be cutting it close, but I'm so glad that I will be able to do it.... even if I have to stand in line for hours. Saturday morning will prove to be well worth it!! Since this is going to be our first Christmas as a family I want it to be special. I'd like to start some type of Christ based traditions. Any ideas?

Losing time.

2010-12-21T05:12:00.000-08:00

Wow, where has time gone? I turned in my essay last night for my World Civilizations class. I have one more essay in there and a whole bunch of tests before I'm done with the class completely. Just a few more classes and it will be midterm time. After that it's second semester and I'll be halfway done with my BS degree!! However, I'm seriously upset with my school right now. I've contacted them three separate times about faxing my transcripts to my boss and every time they give me a day when it will be done and it's NEVER done! UGH.

Been working on pictures I took Friday at school. We did class pictures as well as single shots of all the kids with Santa. Had so much fun doing it! I can't believe Christmas is already this weekend! I still have a few more gifts to get for Chris and we have to get his family gifts, boy, we're slackers!

Fix-It Friday #81

2010-12-17T20:37:00.000-08:00

It's a Wonderful Life

2010-12-16T05:06:00.000-08:00

Thursday... once I get through this day I only have one more work day left then it's off to Georgia! I'm so excited! Chris and I are having our Christmas with my parents Saturday then driving even farther north for another Christmas Sunday with one set of my grandparents. I think the most exciting part is that I get to introduce Chris to a whole bunch of aunts, uncles and cousins! I can't wait for them to meet the most amazing part of my life!!

We had our company Christmas party for work last night. It was lots of fun and Chris seems to like everyone I work with, which is good. I love it when people like one another, I spent so much of my high school life with friends that hated each other, so it's good to know that there are people who do grow up and realize that there is usually something likable in everyone. ;)

BTW, have I mentioned lately how truly amazing... wonderful; awesome; and absolutely perfect my husband is!?! He left me a comment on facebook a few days ago that literally had me in tears.

It's ~~funny~~ so amazing how God can bring the most perfect, made-for-you person, into your life just when you think that your life is completely over. I love this man, my husband, more than words can ever express and I am so thankful that I get to spend the rest of my life with him!

Mellow Yellow Monday #98

2010-12-13T00:00:00.000-08:00

This picture was taken on Thanksgiving day '10, our very first Thanksgiving day together - not only as a married couple, but ever. Can you spot the yellow?

My First Photo Challenge

2010-12-12T09:47:00.000-08:00

I'm not a mom in the usual sense, but luckily The Paper Mama accepts fur-children as well! After all, our dogs are definitely our babies!! I don't have photo shop on my computer since my husband fixed it, so I had to "cheat" and use picnik instead. Even still I think it turned out well, the pictures themselves were taken under our tree on a tree skirt that Chris' grandparents made for him. Without farther ado, here is my submission for the Holdiay Colors Challenge, my very first submission @

There's no guarantees, but I'm not alone

2010-12-08T18:11:00.000-08:00

I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons Finally content with a past I regret

I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness For once I'm at peace w/ myself

I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long, I'm movin' on....

At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me

And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone

I'm cutting my friend's list on facebook. It isn't that I want to hurt anyone's feelings or that I don't care about them anymore, it's just time to let go of my old life. I'm *trying* to cut ties, but it's something that I have to do gradually. I can't keep exposing myself to things/people that are connected to past memories. Maybe in years to come things might be different, but for right now I have to do what's best for me as well as for Chris and I. It's horrible enough that a day doesn't go by that I don't say the ex's name for some reason or another. It absolutely blows. I wish I had memories to talk about that didn't include him. UGH. I can't wait until the majority of my memories are about things that Chris and I have done, ext.

What drives me.

2010-12-07T04:41:00.000-08:00

For those of you wondering, yes, I'm loving the new job! As always, the children are amazing and I could totally take most of them home with me! The atmosphere is so much better than the one at my previous place of employment. There's a genuine sense of family and togetherness with the staff as well as with the parents and that makes a whole world of difference!! I can't wait for our Christmas party so that Chris can meet everyone I work with. ^.^

my wonderful husband

Saturday Chris and I did a photo shoot with his uncle, aunt and their four kids. First we went out for lunch then we did the shoot. It was fun hanging out with family and getting to take pics again. We both came to the realization that we're a bit rusty, but being that it was our first shoot together we found that we do, in fact work well with one another. So, when I open my photography business up again (this time here in Florida)i t will be a joint effort. This means that I'm changing the name, so no more Diona Reneè Photography! We're still trying to come up with a name. I was thinking along the lines of Williams Photography, what do you guys think? You can't go wrong with using your own names, right!?! If anyone actually reads this, give me some ideas if you can think of any!

With the changing of the seasons

2010-12-02T05:17:00.000-08:00

I'm on of those lucky people that get strep and/or bronchitis more than once a year (perhaps it has something to do with the Fibromyalgia?). Needless to say, imagine my "surprise' when I encountered a red, swollen and scratchy throat yesterday afternoon. I spent the later half of the day drinking hot chai tea with honey and lemon juice, but to no avail - by the time night rolled around I was already gaining puss pockets on my tonsils that were accompanied with a slight fever. Oh joy. During these times in my life ibuprofen is my closest companion. I had a fairly restless night, the one time that I did get to enjoy a little deep sleep I was awakened by what I thought was Chris throwing up. However, as I fly up out of my sleep yelling at him I realize that he's still sleeping right beside me. Yes, I woke him up and scared him half to death! Upon awaking this morning I found that it was in fact our big dog, Frankie, that had been throwing up - on the bedroom floor. Got it cleaned, got dressed and took some good ol' ibuprofen. Now I'm sitting here sipping my very hot chai tea (with the honey and lemon juice) while I type up this wonderful entry. ^.^ Here's to a new day! I'll be leaving for my new job shortly, yesterday was my first day there and so far I'm loving the atmosphere very much!!

Falling into winter.

2010-12-01T16:14:00.000-08:00

Fall has finally arrived in our backyard over the last few days.

too bad it waited 'til it was time for winter before showing up.

Time, as it passes.

2010-11-30T15:42:00.000-08:00

I cannot believe that today is the last day of November. This year, although in ways has moved as quickly as previous years, hasn't always felt like it was moving along at all. It's definitely been a year filled with changes! I faced things that most people would rather go their entire lives not facing. I became a divorce statistic. I realized that I was "that woman", you know, the one that the husband realizes he no longer wants. I was blind sided in more ways than one. Sure, maybe, just maybe, there wasn't physical adultery committed, but we should all know that it doesn't have to be physical to be adultery. If it's there in your heart, you've already committed it whether you've done the deed or not. I was betrayed. I was abandoned. Left without a home, but thank God for my family. I was angry, part of me still is. I will never go back on my belief that if someone can give you up and/or "fall out of love" with you then the harsh reality of the truth is that there was never any love felt to begin with. They mistook what they were feeling for you as love regardless of if you actually loved them or not.

Moving on hasn't been the difficult part. Learning to live again turned out to be bittersweet, but simple. Falling in love again happened much sooner than I ever imagined. Perhaps because after years of being made to feel "crazy" and not feeling hardly any love in return - the love that still existed, the part of me that was still hanging on so tightly, died the last time I told him I loved him and again got nothing but a blank stare in response. This year has been one of the hardest I've had to face yet, but also one of the most rewarding. The light, the beacon I should say, at the end of my tunnel was the wonderful *eye-squenching* handsome smiling face of the other half of my soul. Not a day goes by that I don't thank God for bringing him into my life. Chris waltzed in quietly, then while I was still unaware, he began picking up all shattered pieces of my heart. As fast as our meeting, friendship and romance began, it truly felt like more than just the few short months that it was. I suppose since the majority of our interactions where online and on the telephone we were ~~forced~~ able to get to know one another a lot quicker.

Not only does he show and tell me everyday how much he loves me, but I can literally feel it when he walks into a room. He makes me feel so beautiful; so loved. There's absolutely no doubt in my mind that we were made for one another. I could go on and on with this portion of my entry, but I'll end it with a great quotes:

"He's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of,

his and mine are the same."- Emily Bront�ë, Wuthering Heights

Since my new life has begun, I'm normally so happy I could burst, but there's still a few issues I'm dealing with. The largest would be that I'm still learning how to let go. Don't get me wrong, it's not about letting go of a person, or even the people that were part of my family for so long, and it's not a matter of "what ifs" - it's more along the lines of the "use-to-be's". Ten years with someone is a long time, granted it isn't twenty or thirty, but to put it in perspective, I spent close to half of my life with him. It's the repetition, the being use to the way things were and the way they went, that trips me up at times. It's basically that I'm struggling to let go of the past, but still keep some of the good that came with it. Am I explaining any of this correctly? See, here's the thing, I know that I am better off without him, at this point I don't just realize that my relationship with him was what was bringing me down - I know it was. Without my ex in my life I'm a perfectly sane (for the most part lol), happy and non-jealous person. It was ~~knowing~~ feeling so unloved that was turning me into the person I hated to face in the mirror. With that being said, is it normal that I have to fight the urge to hate him everyday? Even though I'm thankful that I'm in a better place why do I feel that way? How do I let that go? How do I forgive him; them? I know that in order to move on 100% I have to figure out how to just "let it go", but that's never been something that's easy for me to do no matter what the situation is.

I know, I know, I can't let it go until I forgive. I have to keep praying because I just don't feel like I'm ready to forgive the feelings of betrayal that it caused. I'm so lucky that Chris not only fully understands what I'm going through, but he's been where I am. I know I've said it before and I know this won't be the last time - God sure does know what he's doing!

Job hunting news

2010-11-30T05:13:00.000-08:00

Over the past few weeks I've managed to get a few interviews. [sarcasm] I've only been looking for a job for month now! [/sarcasm] Yesterday I interviewed at an amazing place and I just so happened to score a second interview! I will be leaving here in about ten minutes for it, so wish me luck!!

Thanksgiving 2010

2010-11-28T19:48:00.000-08:00

‘It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar,

and seemingly secure, to embrace the new.

But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful.

There is more security in the adventurous and exciting,

for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.’

This was not only my first Thanksgiving as a newly wed to my wonderful husband Chris, but also my first official holiday with his family. (( This was also my very first Thanksgiving away from the ex and his family, being with them had become a tradition over the past ten years. )) A first of many firsts over the next year. A year that I'm looking forward to and so happy to be experiencing!

Through Chris I have gained four wonderful sisters, two of whom I had the joy of spending Thanksgiving with. I've also gained two sets of parents and a beautiful niece... not to mention all the aunts, uncles and cousins! I feel so very blessed to have been accepted into their lives. Yes, this Thanksgiving was different, just as my life now is different, but I wouldn't have it any other way!! I've never been one to mind small changes, but who would have ever thought that I could make it through and come out closer to the top with all the changes that have been thrown my way in the past six months.

I cannot imagine my life any other way than it is now. Maybe it's just another example of the adaptability that we as humans have or maybe it's just one our many coping mechanisms. No matter the reason, I know that I am where I'm suppose to be; I know that I am the happiest here, with this man, than I've ever been with anyone else. I know that he shows me the true meaning of love every single day and that I will love him as long as there is breath in my body.

'Tis the Season

2010-11-22T20:54:00.000-08:00

My ex husband hasn't been able to locate my bag of Christmas ornaments, so while I have a tree to put up, I'm without decorations to put on it! I've had the wonderful idea of doing an ornament exchange! The idea is for you, my friends, to pick an ornament out that represents you, then send it my way and I will do the same. I love the idea of being able to think of each and every person who has touched my life while viewing my wonderful Christmas tree during a season that is all about being with the people we love!!

Sickness & TMI

2010-11-10T08:33:00.000-08:00

I was horribly sick monday. Apparently at one point or another I picked up some kind of stomach flu. Luckily it was just a short 24 hour bug otherwise I'd have really been in a mess! I absolutely abhor not being able to do things for myself. Sure the idea of being waited on hand and foot is appealing from time to time, but when you're sick and floating in and out of consciousness between frequent bathroom trips - you feel like a burden more than a pampered queen. I must say though that I have the absolute best and most amazing mother-in-law in the world.

That's right folks, I called it! She left work and came over around noon to find me on the bathroom floor awaiting my impending death. Unfortunately not long after her arrival I made a terrible mess of the toilet room, look, I know it's TMI and no one really wants to know this, but come on who hasn't been there!?! You're sitting on the toilet and you have the trash can in front of you - you're so weak you can barely hold your head up and there's no way you can pick that trash can up because it suddenly weights two tons. Then it really hits and your idea of ringing the trash, which just moments before seemed like a good idea, is anything but a good idea!

As much as I hate being sick I also hate the few days after when you think, "Wow, I could run a marathon now that I'm feeling better." Notice I said you think this because you get up only to find out that just walking to your bedroom door has left you sort of breath. That's where I was yesterday. I could get up and do a few things then I'd have to sit down to catch my breath and believe me, that gets old pretty darn fast! I have a little more energy today, thank goodness. I just ate a bowel of cereal - here's hoping! My first REAL food in days!!

Saturday Nights

2010-11-06T19:59:00.000-07:00

Chris and I have been married for two months; we've know each other for four. Crazy? A little. Life changing? Yes. Love? SO much! Worth the pain of the months prior to our meeting? YOU BET.

Saturday 9

[01] What do you see when you are watching the wheels go round? Watching the wheels go round... what kind of question if that!?! What wheels?
[02] Do you watch reality shows? Nope, sure don't.
[03] What's your favorite all time reality show? Don't have one. I've never cared for them, they're just too fake, but I did watch the Osbornes there for a while.
[04] Do you feel "reality" shows are real or are they faked? Fake fake fake.
[05] What does your personal neon sign say to the world? Smile!
[06] Ever seen a neon sign with certain letters burned out so that it said something unintended? Personally... I don't think so, but then again it's possible that I have and just don't remember.
[07] What gives you a headache? Strong smells, a room filled with smoke, really loud noises and sometimes just random things.
[08] What song, artist or album in your music collection would you pull out and play if you wanted to give your roommate/neighbors a huge, head-splitting headache? Nothing. I don't have any wild music anymore. lol.
[09] What do you do to relieve stress? candles, music and a really hot bubble bath.

Excetra, excetra

2010-11-05T09:50:00.000-07:00

My last paycheck just came through from Magellan. One hundred and sixteen bucks to get me through until I have another form of income. Yes, while that is slightly scary I know that we'll be okay. On a very good note the hubby keeps getting some amazing job offers. We'll see what happens!

I love that I'm going to be watching a few kids again. I'm so excited! I love getting crafts together to do with them and going to the park, ext. It's so much fun to watch a little one learn and see new things. Plus I'll actually be "teaching" again in a sense.

Creativity

2010-11-03T19:05:00.000-07:00

Feeling very creative tonight, why can't this hit during the day!?! o.O

I've got to start doing something here at blogger, I'm just not sure what. I guess I could start back trying to do a meme for each day of the week, that would give me a little bit of content at least. I wish I could afford to make things again... gr.

I'm pretty sure that I'm going to be making homemade presents again for Christmas this year, so I should probably buy what I'll need and get started on that soon!!!

On a side note, I have GOT to get started on our scrapbook! Ooooh, yard sale hopefully this weekend if the weather permits it! ^.^

just a quick hello!

2010-10-19T18:36:00.001-07:00

left work after four hours today, just couldn't get through any longer. i was feeling extremely sick.

haven't had time to breathe lately, on the go constantly, but life is awesome!!

one more essay and i'll be done with my lit class thank goodness, so far i have a 97 in there.

new fb info

2010-10-03T15:56:00.001-07:00

I've started over... again, always redefining and evolving. This time the place chose me. I moved to be with my wonderful husband - he is the most loving, caring, thoughtful and amazing person ever and he treats me like a princess.

Chris and I were married on September 2nd of this year. Before he and I met I was literally at a point when I thought my life wasn't going to go anywhere - boy was I wrong! God might have closed the door to my old life, but He had more in store for me than I could have imagined!!

I'm working towards my BA degree in Early Childhood Education. Meanwhile I've got an awesome job that I absolutely love as an assistant teacher.

Photography is my biggest passion! Soon I'll be working on getting my photography business going again - on the weekends.

My pets are more than that to me, they're my babies.

Surprises are just around the corner.

2010-09-08T15:19:00.000-07:00

you can't always see the possibilities,

extraordinary as they are,

you can't always see an end to heartache -

it seems to stretch on, forever far,

then suddenly, as fast as it began,

there's a breaking in the clouds -

and you see the sun shinning in.

copyright:diona renee

In may of this year i thought my life was over - little did i know, it was just beginning. I was scared, alone and felt unlovable. However, God brought the most amazing man into my life. His name is Chris and he and I got married last Thursday. My life has never been this good. Now if only I could find a job!!!

Life is what you make out of it.

2010-07-24T08:24:00.000-07:00

♪ ♫ ♪ i didn't know that i would love you like i do i didn't think that i was ready to

but there's something about the way you take my hand, it's like i never touched a man

and it's a beautiful thing you make me shy and you make me proud

it's a beautiful thing you make me laugh out loud and when you pull me to you I unravel

i didn't know that love would fill me up so good i tried before but then you know it never would

but there's something about the way you call my name, now I'll never feel the same ♪ ♫ ♪

What choices do we have in relating to life? What are the three positions to relate to life? Imagine life like a fast flowing river, where you can see the white foam on top of the waves. In this fast flowing river, you have three choices.

The first alternative is trying to swim upstream in opposition to the flow of the river. The second alternative is trying to hold on to a static position in the river by grabbing on to a branch of a tree, which hangs down over the river. The third alternative is simply relaxing and allowing us to be carried by the flow of the river wherever it takes us.

[01] The "No" - position
The "no" - position means to relate to life from a "no" - attitude. The "no" - attitude means to relate to life from our ego, from our separate ideas, desires, attitudes, dreams, illusions, ambitions, expectations and concepts about how we should be, about how other people should be and about how life should be.

The "no" - position is a defence and a separation towards life. The "no" - position means to resist the continuous flow and change of life. It is to separate ourselves from the joy and flow of life. The "no" - position is like closing the door from within so that life can not touch us.

[02] The "I want" - position
The "I want" - position is an aspect of the "no" - position. It means that we only open our inner window towards life when there is something special that we want from life.

In comparison with the "yes" - position - where we are open and available for life to give us what we really need - the "I want" - position is a state of desires, wishes, expectations and ambitions. When life do not give us what we think that we need, we close our inner window with a disappointed and disillusioned feeling that life do not give us what we need. We close our inner window again without being open for the possibility that life may do not give us what we think that we need, but that life gives us what we really need.

[03] The "yes" - position
Our heart is the door to trust life. Our heart is the door to surrender to life. Our heart is the door to allow life to guide us. Opening our heart means to learn to say "yes" to life. It means to allow us to receive the support from Existence, which gives us exactly what we need in exactly the right moment with more creativity and ingenuity than we can ever imagine.

The "yes" - position means to relate to life through our inner being, trough our authentic self, through the source of life within ourselves. The inner being is an inner space, an inner emptiness, where we can allow life to pass unhindered through us. The inner being is openness and availability to life.

via. Dhyan Giten

Which position do you feel that you take in life?

The Fall.

2010-07-24T02:23:00.000-07:00

♪ ♫ ♪ feels like reckless driving when we're talking
it's fun while it lasts, and it's faster than walking,
but no one's going to sympathize when we crash
they'll say "you hit what you head for, you get what you ask"
and we'll say we didn't know, we didn't even try
one minute there was road beneath us, the next just sky

i'm sorry i can't help you, i cannot keep you safe
i'm sorry i can't help myself, so don't look at me that way
we can't fight gravity on a planet that insists
that love is like falling and falling is like this ♪ ♫ ♪

sometimes lines get blurred; crossed.

what is it you do when you were already so close to falling..

there you were, teetering on the brink of the unknown..

then all of a sudden you close your eyes and take that leap.

i'm scared. i've opened myself up for more than i planned.

My climb.

2010-07-23T19:13:00.000-07:00

7 months ago I posted this self made quote on my tumblr:

"sometimes that person we never thought we’d be is the one staring back at us in the mirror."

How was I to know just how true that would was? 7 months ago I was still married. It isn't that I'm dwelling on the past, it just still amazes me that our lives can change so much in a matter of seconds. It's almost as if my brain just can't grasp such a concept. I've made it to the acceptance stage, I've actually been there for at least a month now, but that doesn't mean that it no longer hurts. The one person that I decided to put my entire trust in, the one person that I believed would never let me down - is the one person who let me down more than anyone ever has. It wasn't just the family that we had created between us that he took, he took everything I'd ever known. Family. Friends. My home. Everything. I was 17 when we got together, 19 when we were married. I made being a wife my job before I was even one. Instead of entering into the real world when I left high school I entered into a relationship - only now am I really entering the "real" world and it's nothing like I thought it would be.

There are times now, while I'm sitting alone and thinking that I stop and wonder why someone didn't point out how unhappy I was years ago. I look back and see so much now. Even old journal entries are laced with such depression and defeat. Not only did I look to his praise to find value in myself, but I let his words tear me down until I ~~felt~~ believed that I was completely worthless; totally useless. I was no longer a person that could stand on her own, no longer independent - everything that I was before him was lost before we were even married. Over the years I found myself turning into a very angry and unforgiving person. Everything I became was everything that I never thought I'd be. I grew up seeing the effects that a man like that (and worse) could have on a woman, I grew up saying that I would never be that weak. Well, dear world, love is blind and you should never say never. I became that weak woman who tagged along after her "hero" of a man. What started as love became an obsession to have love. What started out as me became the shadow behind a man.

"Strength is born in the deep silence of long-suffering hearts; not amid joy." -unknown

Time has passed. My wounds are still healing, but the process is going quicker than I imagined it would. I'm once again the person that I should be, the person that I was meant to be. I'm "finding" myself more and more every day, not the child that I once was, but this beautiful, independent and deserving woman that I am.

I've already hit rock bottom - this is my climb to the top.

Being random

2010-07-19T09:34:00.001-07:00

today is one of my, "not as great as usual" days. not sure why. i'm just glad these days are so few and far between now compared to how they where when this journey was first beginning. wanna know the best thing about it though? i have more than enough reasons to smile, so that's what i'm going to do! besides, soon enough my day will be brighter.... ♥

Between love and madness, lies xenophobia

This journey

2010-07-02T17:32:00.000-07:00

This is the hardest journey I've ever been on. I was thrown - pushed - into it suddenly, without notice and it feels like I've been teetering on the edge of a cliff ever since. I'm still healing, still reeling, from my husband telling me that he's been miserable the entire time we've been together. There is still pain in my heart, no void any longer, but still very visible pain.

Knowing.Living.Learning.

2010-06-20T12:13:00.000-07:00

You don't know someone until you've lived with then, but even then it's not a guarantee. Sometimes people bring out the worst in each other. Sometimes people lose who they are in another. You live, you learn.

Mind and Body

2010-06-17T12:44:00.000-07:00

The body and mind are interconnected and emotions play a big part in determining one's health status. Stress and its negative effect on the immune system remains the major challenge to good health. The immune system with its holistic nature is significantly affected by its close associations with psychology, neurology, endocrinology, nutrition and the environment. Recent studies show 70-80% of all physician visits are stress related; 80% health problems are stress related; 100 million people "out" everyday due to stress; and 40% employee turnover due to stress. Chronic stress depletes the body's resources and ability to adapt. Over a long period coping functions are compromised and illness results.

A comprehensive approach to maintaining good health includes increasing self-responsibility for wellness, healthy lifestyle choices, health-promoting diet and a positive mental attitude. The concept of "Don't Worry. Be Happy," is not new. By the end of the 1970's several studies had shown that negative emotions suppress immune function. The 1979 book, Anatomy of An Illness, by Norman Cousins was a personal account of his experience using positive emotional states (humor and laughter) with guided imagery and meditative states to enhance immune system function in the face of serious, life-threatening disease.

Sticks and Stones

2010-06-16T10:31:00.000-07:00

Combating Emotional Abuse; Emotional abuse is an often overlooked form of abuse. Words CAN and DO hurt.

What is Emotional Abuse?

Constant criticism. demands and rejections.

Unreasonable jealously and jealous rage.

Deliberate flirting and unfaithfulness.

Insults, rude nicknames.

Attacks on what a person is rather than what a person does.

Excessive or hurtful teasing.

Verbal abuse is a pattern of behavior that can seriously interfere with a person's healthy emotional development. Regular exposure leads to significant detriment of a person's self-esteem, emotional well-being, and physical state.

* Actions of ignoring, ridiculing, disrespecting, and criticizing others consistently.

* A manipulation of words.

* Purposeful humiliation of others.

* Accusing others falsely for the purpose of manipulating a person's decision making.

* Manipulating people to submit to undesirable behavior.

* Making others feel unwanted and unloved.

* Threatening to leave the family destitute.

* Placing the blame and cause of the abuse onto others.

* Isolating a person from some type of support system, consisting of friends or family.

* Harassment

"If there are love and truth in the relationship,

life will sustain the relationship by itself.

If there are not love and truth in the

relationship, it will change."

GITEN

...

From the book "The

Silent Whisperings of the Heart"

You've been fairly warned.

2010-06-03T01:52:00.000-07:00

I should come with a warning. Manic depression bouts, mood swings and oh yeah – you know that hysterectomy I had - let’s add menopausal to that list. There are days that I feel like the entire world is against me and there are days when I feel like I’m the one against the whole world and yes, there is a difference. I have a very, very hard time seeing the gray areas in life. I’m loud and entirely too outspoken. Unfortunately I mostly speak without thought. I have so many flaws that I’ve lost count. I am very hard on myself and had high expectations that I can never seem to grasp. I’ll put those expectations on you as well, though not purposely or consciously. I am entirely too motherly. I’m passionate to the point of obsession. I take promises seriously, so please don’t make them. I’m tired of being let down. I will doubt you every step of the way while secretly putting all my trust in you.

I have a hard time coping with MYSELF at times, but if you can’t handle me at my worst then you just don’t deserve my best. Now if only I could believe that I have a “best” side - along with the sentence I just posted in its entirety. I am irrational and emotional, but if I give you my heart it’s yours until my last breath. If I love you, I LOVE you. If even the tiniest part of me has ever cared for you, I always will no matter how I try to fool the world of it. I am probably the most stubborn person you will ever meet. I’m a daddy’s girl and I still want my mamma when I’m sick. At this point in my life I don’t know if I will ever believe or trust anyone ever again. I’m very prideful when it comes to everything BUT love.

This dear friend is my warning. If you are around me for any amount of time you will witness some or all these on random occasions. I have gotten much better over the years, and I know with more time I will improve even more. Seriously though, if you aren’t up for the ride please don’t sign up. I’ve had enough disappointment to last me several thousand lifetimes.

4AM

2010-06-01T04:00:00.000-07:00

He had his wedding ring off yesterday. He said it wasn’t like that, that it fell off when he was in the shower and he just hadn’t put it back on. That speaks volumes to me. If it meant anything he would have put it back on, right?

I took my wedding ring off after I talked to him last night. What a simple sentence that is, but it’s one with so much behind it. He wants to get this over with as soon as he can. It seems that every time I talk to him his voice gets colder towards me.

The more time I have to think the more I realize things, little things, things that were always gnawing at my mind, but that I never could face. He hasn’t been in love with me for a long time. The more I notice when looking back the more I realize that. It’s really hitting me that this isn’t a nightmare – this is my reality. I want to stand in a shower for hours and scrub everywhere he’s touched me. I want to wash the memory of us away and watch it go down the drain. I know that must sound ridiculous even insane, but he told me that this is what he wanted merely days after the last time we “made love” - that just makes me feel entirely too dirty for my own taste. I love him, I always will. I feel like so much of me is dying right now, but in the same sense I’m beginning to DIE to LIVE. I’d felt a lack of love for some time now from him, but in the end I’ve always ignored it.

I’m very sad. I don’t even think the word sad has enough meaning at all to cover it. I feel betrayed. Lost. Unwanted. Almost used in a sense. I know that he’s tried, he wouldn’t have stayed with me this long if he hadn’t. I don’t hate him at all and as much as I want to be angry with him… I can’t be. I love him and I want him to be HAPPY. Unfortunately for him to do that he can’t be with me. It isn’t that I don’t get that, I get it, I just don’t want to. Every mile farther away I get I long for him more, but at the same time with each little bit of distance I put between us I can slowly feel air seeping back into my lungs again. I’ve literally felt my heart ache in a way that it never has.

Do I regret anything? No, not at all and given the chance I’d do it all over again. I’ve loved this man for over half of my life and we have so many good memories together. Just because the last few years are starting to seem like a huge put on to me doesn’t change the fact that he was in love with me once. I don’t believe that to be a lie. I hope I never do begin to think that. He has been my best and closest friend for ten years. That’s not something I take lightly. He said he will always love me, which in my head means that he just isn’t in love with me, that I need someone that can love me as much as I love. That’s not something I’m looking for. I consider myself very lucky. Some people search their entire lives to find their great love, I had ten years solid with mine. That’s enough for me.

Don’t get me wrong on any account; I miss him more than I’ve ever missed anyone. I love him still. If he were to ask me to come back right now I know that I would do it in a heartbeat… but I also know that THAT itself is fading with each mile I put behind me. I’m scared. My future is a complete unknown. I’m also scared that one day I may look back and this won’t mean as much to me as it does now. I think I’ve been semi-hollow for such a long time now that the act of filling back up is frightening. I know that when he moves on with someone else it’s going to cut like a knife, but I hope that when he does, that, well, it’s someone I love or can love too. Someone that will allow us to still be friends (obviously not as close, but still there’s a lot of years there), I’m glad that we do still have that.

I still at times feel like I want to crawl out of my skin. I don’t want to believe that THIS is happening to me. I want to disassociate myself with it. My world is full of darkness right now, but I can see a tiny light at the end of the tunnel - yet at this point, I know that if I allow myself to look back I’m closer to a brighter light. However I know that I cannot do that. I have to move forward. I will always feel that his family is mine as well and I know that one day someone else will take my place. That hurts a lot, there’s no way I can deny it. I also won’t deny that a part of me wants him to regret this someday, but I know that’s only because I’m hurting right now. I have always wanted nothing more than his happiness. I want him to find that. I want him to be happy and to have a family of his own.

I feel like I’m slowly beginning to find myself – the me that I lost in him so very, very long ago. Too bad it’s taken all of this to happen before the person he actually fell in love with began to resurface again. This is an ending and a beginning. It feels so much like dying, but this is my journey – my life now - time to put my big girl panties on and deal with it. I know I’m still going to go through so many ranges of emotions; this is still all so new to me, so those of you in my life please understand. At the moment I have to purge. I have to put my old life behind me and right now that also includes some people. Only for now though, only to give me enough time to HEAL. I need to heal more than anything. This doesn’t mean that I don’t want anything to do with the people that have been in my life for so many years, it just means that I need a little bit of breathing room.

Time to find a good job then an apartment and on the side I’m still going to try and build my photography business… only that will take quite some time. Right now I don’t feel like touching a camera. I don’t feel like doing too much of anything, but I know I have to push myself now more than ever. I was very lucky. I had an amazing husband who was always good to me. We had a faithful marriage and he ALWAYS supported me in everything. Plus, I was hopelessly in love with him! Not many people can say that. I know I will still cry and still hurt, but there are a few rays of hope peering through at me in all of this despair.

At this point in time I don’t plan on going back to my maiden name. Wayd and I aren’t on bad terms and this isn’t a part of my life I want to forget. Harris has been my last name for some time now and I feel that it’s a part of me and I’m proud of it. I don’t know what the future holds, but I know that I plan to face it continuing to be a Harris and I really hope and pray that he and his family are okay with that. I guess I’ll be a Ms. now?

It’s just me I’m living for now, so if the urge to move comes….who knows? God is placing peace in my heart within all of this turmoil. He’s giving me understanding and so much hope. I know that there is a reason that I am going through this, even if I can’t see it. My munchkins (Chihuahuas) are defiantly helping me – they’re making sure that I don’t completely forget how to smile.

I didn’t want this, but I’m learning to accept it.

Photo | Random

2010-05-15T02:53:00.000-07:00

our oldest chihuahua, pudd. he will be six in sept. he has alot of grey. lol

Put your mp3 player on shuffle, what are the first three songs that play?
Bad Touch : Bloodhound Gang
Anticipation : Carly Simon
Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner : Fall Out Boy

What are yours?

We don't buy no drinks at the bar

2010-05-14T01:08:00.000-07:00

we pop champagne cuz we got that dough
let me hear you say aah (aah aah aah aah)
say aah (aah aah aah aah)
go girl, its your birthday
open wide i know your thirsty

jenna put together some drinks-
for her & the boy of her's

i haven't finished the first page to my art journal yet, but i'm halfway through the second page. i have to go with what i feel... it's just collages of images i like, things i color, words from magazines, thread, lace, buttons... basically anything i can get my hands on as well as things i draw at times.

ANSWER THE FOLLOWING (in comments!)
my answers are below the questions :)

what is your txt ring tone?
soul sister : train

what is your default ring tone?
maybe california : tori amos

what is the ring tone for your significant other?
life after you : daughtry

She believes she's got it all

2010-05-13T03:30:00.000-07:00

she swears the moon don't hang quite as high as it used to and she only sleeps when its raining
and she screams, and her voice is straining and she says baby it's 3am I must be lonely
when she says baby well I can't help but be scared of it all sometimes
she says the rain's gonna wash away I believe it
she believes that life is made up of all that you're used to
and the clock on the wall has been stuck at 3 for days, and days

the fact that it's past 3am got the song in my head. i really should be trying to get to sleep right about now, but i'll put it off.. until... until. sleep doesn't come easily to me, it never has, but lately that on top of my sinusitis is kicking my butt. luckily i was able to drop the temp. in the house this morning and actually get some sleep for about three hours. i despise having a stuffy nose. when i lay down it's all that i can think about. i start to focus on swallowing, or my lack of swallowing that is - it's impossible because i have no air flow in my nostrils, thus my mouth is my only form of breathing - once this begins i have the urge to swallow continuously and i end up gasping for air because low and behold when i'm swallowing i'm not breathing! it makes for a hellacious night. now mind you i do suffer from sleep apnea, but at least i'm not aware of that for the most part - it never wakes me up fully anymore.

our rooster... tangible? ohhh yes...
because sometimes i'd like to "touch" him
all right and ring his stinking neck, he's MEAN.

Then you call me, call me in

2010-05-12T13:03:00.000-07:00

you think I am your possession, you´re messing with a southern girl
but my recipe is on with your stale bread, yeah it´s hot

why do i start things, but then leave them without finishing?

i rarely ever manage to stick with things. it's depressing however thrilling when i actually stick it out and do what i began to do in the first place. hey, i did get around to finishing my 100 movies in less than a year last year! i told myself i would do it again this year too, but as you can tell that was a huge fail. i never even started. i think i got halfway through the 365 project ... don't even get me started on 100 things, did i even get 10 of them done!?! at least there's not a time limit on it and i can just keep adding...! oh, and my 101 in 1001 days.. yeah, didn't get that done either. why the rambling about all of this? well, i'm at it again.. i want to do a picture meme for each day of the week. obviously i won't do it every day, but i'd like to do it at least a few times a week! i also want to cook a different recipe each night for the entire month of june.

Macro Monday
Tangible Tuesday
Words of Wednesday
Thirsty Thursday
F???? Friday
S???? Saturday
Soulful Sunday

BTW, did i ever mention that i now have all the parts to my nikon D70? i'm so in love! ♥

Sinking

2010-04-17T23:07:00.000-07:00

i need to find some inner peace. quick.

"As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world - that is the myth of the 'atomic age' - as in being able to remake ourselves." - Gandhi

i feel like i'm being eaten alive - so much discontentment. anger. annoyance. i'm that rug on everyone's floor that they keep wiping their feet on and i'm tired of it. wayd is the only person (excluding parents of course) in my life right now who hasn't been either walking all over, abandoning me or simply putting everyone else first. i feel like i do my best to drop whatever i'm doing when others need help... why is it that no one ever wants to help me? what i hate worse though is when i'm made to feel like an unwanted obligation. i fight every single day to get out of bed. my body hurts so bad some mornings that it's a struggle to breathe, seriously even my TOES hurt on a daily basis, but i "grit my teeth" and deal with it. i feel like i always have the weight of the world on my shoulders, but yet, no matter what - if someone needs me i'm there with bells on.

i have no inner harmony. i feel like i just come last to most of the people i care about. i pick people to be my friends and it just seems like the people i always pick just seem to end up taking advantage of me. i'm not as bad about bending over backwards for everyone as i use to be, but i'm still doing it too much. apparently i've held it in for too long and now it's just exploding at random times.

wayd and i were suppose to go to the coast and just relax on the beach this weekend. we were on our way, already out of town and had to turn around due to something that started around some kitten "drama". sigh. don't ask. long story. i blew up about a text that just went ALL over me. i slept alot today and ate a pint of ben&jerry's americone dream. mmmmhhhm. tomorrow i'll be back to painting and rearranging at my "aunt" peggy's shop. over halfway done with the entire place.

i can take a greyhound to WI for 157 and some cents. i thought about buying a ticket, but how rude to just show up. it would be really nice tho it's just that i want to get away WITH wayd even more than i just want to get away! i want some hudband/wife time in with my relaxing.

& it's spring.

"I like to express certain things that happen in my life, the joy of spring,

the birds singing and young babies coming into the world." -Roy Haynes

it's finally really, really sinking in. it's taken almost two years and random fits of denial. i'm hollow. hollow where it counts to a woman that is. granted it's better than having all that was broken and the pain that that caused is no longer around, but i'm less a woman and i'm really feeling it. my hair being so short has a little to do with it, my thighs touching for the first time in my life obviously isn't helping. i envy all the baby bumps i see. i want to stress to woman how important and special carrying a child should be for them. don't cry and complain about your weight gain - be happy that you can GO through it! theshapeofamother.com is one of my most favorite websites ever. i pass it on to alot of women i know, but idk why i go there. i will never be able to say, "hey, my body is this was because i gave birth. i had a miracle." no, if i get fat it will just be that, fat.

if you're on my flist and have actually been reading this, this is my message to you. if you have children cherish ever single moment you have with them. every emotion they make you feel. if you get annoyed and need a break to calm down, think about those like me, out there, that would give anything to go through all that you are and will go through with your child/children. for those of you who have children, but can't have anymore - be satisfied that you have them! i would give my right arm for one and yet there are people that aren't happy with what they have. for those of you that are expecting - relish every change your body is going through. document it even. take pictures so you'll never forget the miracle that you are living. love those stretch marks, the weight gain because your baby is growing! there are women out there, like me, who would give their lives to be in your position.

2 miles

2010-03-22T11:21:00.000-07:00

we walked more than we ran. we also got rained on.

my "o" key is sticking and it's making me angry.

ugh.

2010-03-09T01:23:00.000-08:00

i pulled the short hair off better when i was younger.
if only i hadn't fried my hair..... :/

Friday Fill-Ins #166

2010-03-05T13:05:00.000-08:00

1. Why are you making such a big deal out of something so tiny?

2. I want you to take your phone and just delete my number.

3. So maybe then it will be on my terms.

4. Forget about me and see what happens.

5. I could use a nice little mini vacation.

6. I want to go see Alice in Wonderland and then have an awesome weekend.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to (see above) see a movie, tomorrow my plans include taking a few three years olds to the zoo with two friends of ours and Sunday, I want to relax!

Inspired.

2010-02-01T21:25:00.000-08:00

I ran across the blog of a local female today and after reading several of her entries I began to feel inspiration creeping upon me again. I haven't been inspired to write in quiet a while. It seems the older I get the harder it is for me to keep up with things. I get in these moods, I suppose you could call them depressions really, although I don't honestly FEEL "depressed" or at least how I assumed feeling "depressed" would feel. I should put it this way, it's nothing like the horrible depressions I would slip into as a teenager, so I don't qualify it as such and just label it the "mood". I want to start sticking to things again and this blog is my "new" start, my attempt at writing for the world again. Now, what shall I write? I should probably begin with my day, but instead I'll just leave you with a cute picture of my middle chihuahua.