Saturday, July 24, 2010

Life is what you make out of it.

♪ ♫ ♪ i didn't know that i would love you like i do i didn't think that i was ready to
but there's something about the way you take my hand, it's like i never touched a man
and it's a beautiful thing you make me shy and  you make me proud
it's a beautiful thing you make me laugh out loud and when you pull me to you I unravel
i didn't know that love would fill me up so good i tried before but then you know it never would
but there's something about the way you call my name, now I'll never feel the same   ♪ ♫ ♪

What choices do we have in relating to life? What are the three positions to relate to life? Imagine life like a fast flowing river, where you can see the white foam on top of the waves. In this fast flowing river, you have three choices.

The first alternative is trying to swim upstream in opposition to the flow of the river. The second alternative is trying to hold on to a static position in the river by grabbing on to a branch of a tree, which hangs down over the river. The third alternative is simply relaxing and allowing us to be carried by the flow of the river wherever it takes us.

The Fall.

♪ ♫ ♪  feels like reckless driving when we're talking
it's fun while it lasts, and it's faster than walking,
but no one's going to sympathize when we crash
they'll say "you hit what you head for, you get what you ask"
and we'll say we didn't know, we didn't even try
one minute there was road beneath us, the next just sky

i'm sorry i can't help you, i cannot keep you safe
i'm sorry i can't help myself, so don't look at me that way
we can't fight gravity on a planet that insists
that love is like falling and falling is like this  ♪ ♫ ♪

sometimes lines get blurred; crossed.

what is it you do when you were already so close to falling.. 
there you were, teetering on the brink of the unknown..
then all of a sudden you close your eyes and take that leap.

i'm scared. i've opened myself up for more than i planned.

Friday, July 23, 2010

My climb.

7 months ago I posted this self made quote on my tumblr:

"sometimes that person we never thought we’d be is the one staring back at us in the mirror."

How was I to know just how true that would was? 7 months ago I was still married. It isn't that I'm dwelling on the past, it just still amazes me that our lives can change so much in a matter of seconds. It's almost as if my brain just can't grasp such a concept. I've made it to the acceptance stage,  I've actually been there for at least a month now, but that doesn't mean that it no longer hurts. The one person that I decided to put my entire trust in, the one person that I believed would never let me down - is the one person who let me down more than anyone ever has. It wasn't just the family that we had created between us that he took, he took everything I'd ever known. Family. Friends. My home. Everything. I was 17 when we got together, 19 when we were married. I made being a wife my job before I was even one.  Instead of entering into the real world when I left high school I entered into a relationship - only now am I really entering the "real" world and it's nothing like I thought it would be. 

Monday, July 19, 2010

Being random

today is one of my, "not as great as usual" days. not sure why. i'm just glad these days are so few and far between now compared to how they where when this journey was first beginning. wanna know the best thing about it though? i have more than enough reasons to smile, so that's what i'm going to do! besides, soon enough my day will be brighter.... ♥

Between love and madness, lies xenophobia

Friday, July 2, 2010

This journey

This is the hardest journey I've ever been on. I was thrown - pushed - into it suddenly, without notice and it feels like I've been teetering on the edge of a cliff ever since. I'm still healing, still reeling, from my husband telling me that he's been miserable the entire time we've been together. There is still pain in my heart, no void any longer, but still very visible pain.