Tuesday, April 12, 2011

My Tuesday Truth #1

One of my favorite songs growing up was Paula Abdul's "Opposites Attract". However being a young impressionable female it left me feeling that I needed someone completely different from me, someone that wasn't so typical.

"In Western society, humans use neither an 'opposites-attract' nor a 'reproductive-potentials-attract' rule in their choice of long-term partners, but rather a 'likes-attract' rule based on a preference for partners who are similar to themselves across a number of characteristics."
My truth on opposites attracting. After lots of research as well as my many years with someone whom I didn't share beliefs or a similar upbringing with - while yes, we had similar intrests, the core of each of us were total opposites - my conclusion is that while at times opposites do attract, it's not always best for the parties involved. Difference can be sexy, myseterious, and challening, but not always good. I'm not saying that it never works; I'm not saying that you shouldn't try if that's what you're leaning for, but I am saying that so many times it can do more harm than good.

A study conducted by the University of Iowa in 2005, for example, stated that similarity in personality was more important than similarities in attitude, religion, and values in forming a happy marriage. Like-minded people validate each other's beliefs and views, and there tend to be fewer conflicts as a result.
So much of the time we run off of our "likes" connecting with the other individual's likes. Which, in a short span of time works well, but what about for long term? If you don't share the same core values and morals, what then? Do you give in all the time or is it a constant battle? Sure, love and relationships are all about compromising, but what happens when it's not something compromisable? Is an "opposites-attract" outlook something that will work long term when the situation is opposing who you are deep down?

"Although many individuals occasionally feel attracted to 'opposites,' attractions between opposites often do not develop into serious intimate relationships and, when they do, these relationships often end prematurely," says Pieternel Dijkstra, a professor at the University of Groningen.
The crazy thing is, is that what initially attracts us to someone is what will probably bug us in the future. We often look for an opposite that can sort of complete us, but in doing this are we setting ourselves up for failure?

My truth, i.e. my opinion, is that no, it doesn't work for the long run. Sure it starts off good. Exciting, adventurous if you will, but sooner or later it's going to burn out - the differences will create a wedge... or a gulf between you.

I must get myself back to work! Opinions are welcome!!


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