My climb.

7 months ago I posted this self made quote on my tumblr:

"sometimes that person we never thought we’d be is the one staring back at us in the mirror."

How was I to know just how true that would was? 7 months ago I was still married. It isn't that I'm dwelling on the past, it just still amazes me that our lives can change so much in a matter of seconds. It's almost as if my brain just can't grasp such a concept. I've made it to the acceptance stage,  I've actually been there for at least a month now, but that doesn't mean that it no longer hurts. The one person that I decided to put my entire trust in, the one person that I believed would never let me down - is the one person who let me down more than anyone ever has. It wasn't just the family that we had created between us that he took, he took everything I'd ever known. Family. Friends. My home. Everything. I was 17 when we got together, 19 when we were married. I made being a wife my job before I was even one.  Instead of entering into the real world when I left high school I entered into a relationship - only now am I really entering the "real" world and it's nothing like I thought it would be. 

Sinking

i need to find some inner peace. quick.

"As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world - that is the myth of the 'atomic age' - as in being able to remake ourselves." - Gandhi

i feel like i'm being eaten alive - so much discontentment. anger. annoyance. i'm that rug on everyone's floor that they keep wiping their feet on and i'm tired of it. wayd is the only person (excluding parents of course) in my life right now who hasn't been either walking all over, abandoning me or simply putting everyone else first. i feel like i do my best to drop whatever i'm doing when others need help... why is it that no one ever wants to help me? what i hate worse though is when i'm made to feel like an unwanted obligation. i fight every single day to get out of bed. my body hurts so bad some mornings that it's a struggle to breathe, seriously even my TOES hurt on a daily basis, but i "grit my teeth" and deal with it. i feel like i always have the weight of the world on my shoulders, but yet, no matter what - if someone needs me i'm there with bells on.