My day of thanks.

December 28th. Eight years ago on this day I was a huge jumble of emotions. Excited, scared terrified and nervous. One minute I wanted to back out, the next minute I couldn't wait. I had alot of doubts, but just brushed them off to cold feet - 'cause everybody gets cold feet, right? That was my way of justifying it. Justifying what? Marrying someone that I knew in my soul didn't love me nearly as much as I loved him. However after years of still feeling that, my love died and my soul was following. I watched myself turn into someone that even I didn't love. So, it only seems fitting that today I will give thanks. 

Thank you for letting me go. Thank you for never loving me enough. Thank you for giving up on me. Thank you for always making me feel that every little thing I said or did got on your nerves. Thank you for not telling me every day how much you loved me. See, love said, but not shown is just hollow words. Thank you for getting so angry at me so much. Thank you for not understanding me. Thank you for everything you did and didn't do. Thank you for making me feel crazy. Thank you for pushing me away. Thank you for continuously bringing up things I did when I was an immature teenager. Thank you for holding on long enough so that I could really open up my eyes to what my life had become. Thank you, because without any of the past seven (plus two) years then I wouldn't be able to truly appreciate what a wonderful, loving man I have now.

On that note, here is my thanks to my husband, Chris, the other half of my being, the man that God created for me to share my life with. Thank you for understanding me, for knowing my thoughts and feelings and why they are the way that they are. Thank you for loving me, for showing me every second of every day and sometimes telling me twice that amount. Thank you for loving my ideas. Thank you for enjoying our conversations, even when I come up with some pretty silly things sometimes. Thank you for accepting and loving every aspect of who I am even during the times when we don't agree on things. Thank you for always respecting me. Thank you for your effort to be the best husband and man you can be, you exceed this daily! Thank you for being YOU. Thank you for your love. Thank you for being a man that is constantly seeking God and willing to do what it takes to truly live for Him. Thank you for sharing your life with me. I love you more than words will ever be able to express. Thank you for not only being my husband, but my best friend as well.

Our four day weekend.

Thursday evening my parents came down for the night. They brought my old hutch/china cabinet and table as well as a few other things with them. Since my parents and Chris' parents have never met we "took" them out to eat, so it was the six of us as well as two of Chris' sisters. One minute we were sitting around not talking and the next minute we were all sharing stories and laughing. It was great!

Friday morning Chris and I got up and made breakfast then Chris and my dad unloaded the stuff from my dad's truck. Everything was covered in ice, so as soon as it made it past the front door I was there ready to wipe the ice off with a towel. lol. My parents left a little before noon and we pretty much had a really lazy day. I took about a two or three hour nap. Saturday morning we went to Chris' mom's house for breakfast and to do the family Christmas, afterwards we came home, did our Christmas then went back to his mom's for lunch and to play Chinese Christmas. 

Today Chris' dad and his wife visited and we went out to eat with them. Had a wonderful time. I feel very blessed and loved to be a part of Chris' life and a part of his wonderful family. It's like I got a double dose, well, a triple dose of blessings actually. Not only to I have my amazing family, but I have his x2! ^.^

It's a Wonderful Life

Thursday... once I get through this day I only have one more work day left then it's off to Georgia! I'm so excited! Chris and I are having our Christmas with my parents Saturday then driving even farther north for another Christmas Sunday with one set of my grandparents. I think the most exciting part is that I get to introduce Chris to a whole bunch of aunts, uncles and cousins! I can't wait for them to meet the most amazing part of my life!!

We had our company Christmas party for work last night. It was lots of fun and Chris seems to like everyone I work with, which is good. I love it when people like one another, I spent so much of my high school life with friends that hated each other, so it's good to know that there are people who do grow up and realize that there is usually something likable in everyone. ;)

BTW, have I mentioned lately how truly amazing... wonderful; awesome; and absolutely perfect my husband is!?! He left me a comment on facebook a few days ago that literally had me in tears. 

 

It's funny so amazing how God can bring the most perfect, made-for-you person, into your life just when you think that your life is completely over. I love this man, my husband, more than words can ever express and I am so thankful that I get to spend the rest of my life with him! 

Time, as it passes.

I cannot believe that today is the last day of November. This year, although in ways has moved as quickly as previous years, hasn't always felt like it was moving along at all. It's definitely been a year filled with changes! I faced things that most people would rather go their entire lives not facing. I became a divorce statistic. I realized that I was "that woman", you know, the one that the husband realizes he no longer wants. I was blind sided in more ways than one. Sure, maybe, just maybe, there wasn't physical adultery committed, but we should all know that it doesn't have to be physical to be adultery. If it's there in your heart, you've already committed it whether you've done the deed or not. I was betrayed. I was abandoned. Left without a home, but thank God for my family. I was angry, part of me still is. I will never go back on my belief that if someone can give you up and/or "fall out of love" with you then the harsh reality of the truth is that there was never any love felt to begin with. They mistook what they were feeling for you as love regardless of if you actually loved them or not.

Surprises are just around the corner.

you can't always see the possibilities,

extraordinary as they are,

you can't always see an end to heartache -

it seems to stretch on, forever far,

then suddenly, as fast as it began,

there's a breaking in the clouds -

and you see the sun shinning in. 

copyright:diona renee

In may of this year i thought my life was over - little did i know, it was just beginning. I was scared, alone and felt unlovable. However, God brought the most amazing man into my life. His name is Chris and he and I got married last Thursday. My life has never been this good. Now if only I could find a job!!!

The Fall.

♪ ♫ ♪  feels like reckless driving when we're talking
it's fun while it lasts, and it's faster than walking,
but no one's going to sympathize when we crash
they'll say "you hit what you head for, you get what you ask"
and we'll say we didn't know, we didn't even try
one minute there was road beneath us, the next just sky

i'm sorry i can't help you, i cannot keep you safe
i'm sorry i can't help myself, so don't look at me that way
we can't fight gravity on a planet that insists
that love is like falling and falling is like this  ♪ ♫ ♪

sometimes lines get blurred; crossed.

what is it you do when you were already so close to falling.. 

there you were, teetering on the brink of the unknown..

then all of a sudden you close your eyes and take that leap.

i'm scared. i've opened myself up for more than i planned.

My climb.

7 months ago I posted this self made quote on my tumblr:

"sometimes that person we never thought we’d be is the one staring back at us in the mirror."

How was I to know just how true that would was? 7 months ago I was still married. It isn't that I'm dwelling on the past, it just still amazes me that our lives can change so much in a matter of seconds. It's almost as if my brain just can't grasp such a concept. I've made it to the acceptance stage,  I've actually been there for at least a month now, but that doesn't mean that it no longer hurts. The one person that I decided to put my entire trust in, the one person that I believed would never let me down - is the one person who let me down more than anyone ever has. It wasn't just the family that we had created between us that he took, he took everything I'd ever known. Family. Friends. My home. Everything. I was 17 when we got together, 19 when we were married. I made being a wife my job before I was even one.  Instead of entering into the real world when I left high school I entered into a relationship - only now am I really entering the "real" world and it's nothing like I thought it would be.