Time, as it passes.

I cannot believe that today is the last day of November. This year, although in ways has moved as quickly as previous years, hasn't always felt like it was moving along at all. It's definitely been a year filled with changes! I faced things that most people would rather go their entire lives not facing. I became a divorce statistic. I realized that I was "that woman", you know, the one that the husband realizes he no longer wants. I was blind sided in more ways than one. Sure, maybe, just maybe, there wasn't physical adultery committed, but we should all know that it doesn't have to be physical to be adultery. If it's there in your heart, you've already committed it whether you've done the deed or not. I was betrayed. I was abandoned. Left without a home, but thank God for my family. I was angry, part of me still is. I will never go back on my belief that if someone can give you up and/or "fall out of love" with you then the harsh reality of the truth is that there was never any love felt to begin with. They mistook what they were feeling for you as love regardless of if you actually loved them or not.

My climb.

7 months ago I posted this self made quote on my tumblr:

"sometimes that person we never thought we’d be is the one staring back at us in the mirror."

How was I to know just how true that would was? 7 months ago I was still married. It isn't that I'm dwelling on the past, it just still amazes me that our lives can change so much in a matter of seconds. It's almost as if my brain just can't grasp such a concept. I've made it to the acceptance stage,  I've actually been there for at least a month now, but that doesn't mean that it no longer hurts. The one person that I decided to put my entire trust in, the one person that I believed would never let me down - is the one person who let me down more than anyone ever has. It wasn't just the family that we had created between us that he took, he took everything I'd ever known. Family. Friends. My home. Everything. I was 17 when we got together, 19 when we were married. I made being a wife my job before I was even one.  Instead of entering into the real world when I left high school I entered into a relationship - only now am I really entering the "real" world and it's nothing like I thought it would be. 

Being random

today is one of my, "not as great as usual" days. not sure why. i'm just glad these days are so few and far between now compared to how they where when this journey was first beginning. wanna know the best thing about it though? i have more than enough reasons to smile, so that's what i'm going to do! besides, soon enough my day will be brighter.... ♥

Between love and madness, lies xenophobia

This journey

This is the hardest journey I've ever been on. I was thrown - pushed - into it suddenly, without notice and it feels like I've been teetering on the edge of a cliff ever since. I'm still healing, still reeling, from my husband telling me that he's been miserable the entire time we've been together. There is still pain in my heart, no void any longer, but still very visible pain.

Knowing.Living.Learning.

You don't know someone until you've lived with then, but even then it's not a guarantee. Sometimes people bring out the worst in each other. Sometimes people lose who they are in another. You live, you learn.

4AM

He had his wedding ring off yesterday. He said it wasn’t like that, that it fell off when he was in the shower and he just hadn’t put it back on. That speaks volumes to me. If it meant anything he would have put it back on, right?