2010 Wrap Up.

The last day of 2010. Thank God. This year has been a VERY eventful year full of changes.

• January found me with my first fully broken bone, a rib bone to be exact. There was a possibility of two being broken, but I didn't want to pay for an x-ray. lol.
• I shot my first church wedding in March.
• In April my emotions were getting the better of me. I was angry and emotional - a lot.
• I went to New York and New Jersey for the first time in May. Had a great trip! Came back home and found out that my husband of 7 1/2 years didn't want to be married to me any more.
• My little brother got married in June.
• In July I turned 27, finalized my divorce and before the month was up I met Chris.
• August was filled with trips to Jacksonville to spend time with my boyfriend, Chris. We rotated the traveling. 
• In September Chris and I were married and I moved down to Jacksonville.
• October found me teaching at a school that, for sake of a long story, I didn't feel was right for me.
• November found me job hunting again. I also had my first family gathering with half of Chris' family.
• Chris and I had our first Christmas this December! I also found an amazing job at the beginning of the month, teaching at a wonderful school. Oh, and our parents met for the first time! lol.

And that my dear friends is my 2010 wrap up. This year has been filled with many firsts and I know that I have many more to come in the upcoming year. I'm looking forward to a new year here in this new life of mine.

My day of thanks.

December 28th. Eight years ago on this day I was a huge jumble of emotions. Excited, scared terrified and nervous. One minute I wanted to back out, the next minute I couldn't wait. I had alot of doubts, but just brushed them off to cold feet - 'cause everybody gets cold feet, right? That was my way of justifying it. Justifying what? Marrying someone that I knew in my soul didn't love me nearly as much as I loved him. However after years of still feeling that, my love died and my soul was following. I watched myself turn into someone that even I didn't love. So, it only seems fitting that today I will give thanks. 

Thank you for letting me go. Thank you for never loving me enough. Thank you for giving up on me. Thank you for always making me feel that every little thing I said or did got on your nerves. Thank you for not telling me every day how much you loved me. See, love said, but not shown is just hollow words. Thank you for getting so angry at me so much. Thank you for not understanding me. Thank you for everything you did and didn't do. Thank you for making me feel crazy. Thank you for pushing me away. Thank you for continuously bringing up things I did when I was an immature teenager. Thank you for holding on long enough so that I could really open up my eyes to what my life had become. Thank you, because without any of the past seven (plus two) years then I wouldn't be able to truly appreciate what a wonderful, loving man I have now.

On that note, here is my thanks to my husband, Chris, the other half of my being, the man that God created for me to share my life with. Thank you for understanding me, for knowing my thoughts and feelings and why they are the way that they are. Thank you for loving me, for showing me every second of every day and sometimes telling me twice that amount. Thank you for loving my ideas. Thank you for enjoying our conversations, even when I come up with some pretty silly things sometimes. Thank you for accepting and loving every aspect of who I am even during the times when we don't agree on things. Thank you for always respecting me. Thank you for your effort to be the best husband and man you can be, you exceed this daily! Thank you for being YOU. Thank you for your love. Thank you for being a man that is constantly seeking God and willing to do what it takes to truly live for Him. Thank you for sharing your life with me. I love you more than words will ever be able to express. Thank you for not only being my husband, but my best friend as well.

Our four day weekend.

Thursday evening my parents came down for the night. They brought my old hutch/china cabinet and table as well as a few other things with them. Since my parents and Chris' parents have never met we "took" them out to eat, so it was the six of us as well as two of Chris' sisters. One minute we were sitting around not talking and the next minute we were all sharing stories and laughing. It was great!

Friday morning Chris and I got up and made breakfast then Chris and my dad unloaded the stuff from my dad's truck. Everything was covered in ice, so as soon as it made it past the front door I was there ready to wipe the ice off with a towel. lol. My parents left a little before noon and we pretty much had a really lazy day. I took about a two or three hour nap. Saturday morning we went to Chris' mom's house for breakfast and to do the family Christmas, afterwards we came home, did our Christmas then went back to his mom's for lunch and to play Chinese Christmas. 

Today Chris' dad and his wife visited and we went out to eat with them. Had a wonderful time. I feel very blessed and loved to be a part of Chris' life and a part of his wonderful family. It's like I got a double dose, well, a triple dose of blessings actually. Not only to I have my amazing family, but I have his x2! ^.^

New year, new freebies.

I'm starting the new year off with a giveaway! Follow me, link me and stay tuned for more information!

Tackle It Tuesday #1

My goal for this week is to get the rest of my Christmas shopping done and then to wrap presents!!!! This probably won't get done until Friday, since I have that day off and I know that I'll be cutting it close, but I'm so glad that I will be able to do it.... even if I have to stand in line for hours. Saturday morning will prove to be well worth it!! Since this is going to be our first Christmas as a family I want it to be special. I'd like to start some type of Christ based traditions. Any ideas?

Losing time.

Wow, where has time gone? I turned in my essay last night for my World Civilizations class. I have one more essay in there and a whole bunch of tests before I'm done with the class completely. Just a few more classes and it will be midterm time. After that it's second semester and I'll be halfway done with my BS degree!! However, I'm seriously upset with my school right now. I've contacted them three separate times about faxing my transcripts to my boss and every time they give me a day when it will be done and it's NEVER done! UGH. 

Been working on pictures I took Friday at school. We did class pictures as well as single shots of all the kids with Santa. Had so much fun doing it! I can't believe Christmas is already this weekend! I still have a few more gifts to get for Chris and we have to get his family gifts, boy, we're slackers! 

Fix-It Friday #81

It's a Wonderful Life

Thursday... once I get through this day I only have one more work day left then it's off to Georgia! I'm so excited! Chris and I are having our Christmas with my parents Saturday then driving even farther north for another Christmas Sunday with one set of my grandparents. I think the most exciting part is that I get to introduce Chris to a whole bunch of aunts, uncles and cousins! I can't wait for them to meet the most amazing part of my life!!

We had our company Christmas party for work last night. It was lots of fun and Chris seems to like everyone I work with, which is good. I love it when people like one another, I spent so much of my high school life with friends that hated each other, so it's good to know that there are people who do grow up and realize that there is usually something likable in everyone. ;)

BTW, have I mentioned lately how truly amazing... wonderful; awesome; and absolutely perfect my husband is!?! He left me a comment on facebook a few days ago that literally had me in tears. 

 

It's funny so amazing how God can bring the most perfect, made-for-you person, into your life just when you think that your life is completely over. I love this man, my husband, more than words can ever express and I am so thankful that I get to spend the rest of my life with him! 

Mellow Yellow Monday #98

This picture was taken on Thanksgiving day '10, our very first Thanksgiving day together - not only as a married couple, but ever. Can you spot the yellow?

My First Photo Challenge

I'm not a mom in the usual sense, but luckily The Paper Mama accepts fur-children as well! After all, our dogs are definitely our babies!! I don't have photo shop on my computer since my husband fixed it, so I had to "cheat" and use picnik instead. Even still I think it turned out well, the pictures themselves were taken under our tree on a tree skirt that Chris' grandparents made for him. Without farther ado, here is my submission for the Holdiay Colors Challenge, my very first submission @

   

There's no guarantees, but I'm not alone

I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons Finally content with a past I regret

I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness For once I'm at peace w/ myself

I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long, I'm movin' on....

At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me

And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone

I'm cutting my friend's list on facebook. It isn't that I want to hurt anyone's feelings or that I don't care about them anymore, it's just time to let go of my old life. I'm *trying* to cut ties, but it's something that I have to do gradually. I can't keep exposing myself to things/people that are connected to past memories. Maybe in years to come things might be different, but for right now I have to do what's best for me as well as for Chris and I. It's horrible enough that a day doesn't go by that I don't say the ex's name for some reason or another. It absolutely blows. I wish I had memories to talk about that didn't include him. UGH. I can't wait until the majority of my memories are about things that Chris and I have done, ext. 

What drives me.

For those of you wondering, yes, I'm loving the new job! As always, the children are amazing and I could totally take most of them home with me! The atmosphere is so much better than the one at my previous place of employment. There's a genuine sense of family and togetherness with the staff as well as with the parents and that makes a whole world of difference!! I can't wait for our Christmas party so that Chris can meet everyone I work with. ^.^

my wonderful husband

Saturday Chris and I did a photo shoot with his uncle, aunt and their four kids. First we went out for lunch then we did the shoot. It was fun hanging out with family and getting to take pics again. We both came to the realization that we're a bit rusty, but being that it was our first shoot together we found that we do, in fact work well with one another. So, when I open my photography business up again (this time here in Florida)i t will be a joint effort. This means that I'm changing the name, so no more Diona Reneè Photography! We're still trying to come up with a name. I was thinking along the lines of Williams Photography, what do you guys think? You can't go wrong with using your own names, right!?! If anyone actually reads this, give me some ideas if you can think of any!

With the changing of the seasons

I'm on of those lucky people that get strep and/or bronchitis more than once a year (perhaps it has something to do with the Fibromyalgia?). Needless to say, imagine my "surprise' when I encountered a red, swollen and scratchy throat yesterday afternoon. I spent the later half of the day drinking hot chai tea with honey and lemon juice, but to no avail - by the time night rolled around I was already gaining puss pockets on my tonsils that were accompanied with a slight fever. Oh joy. During these times in my life ibuprofen is my closest companion. I had a fairly restless night, the one time that I did get to enjoy a little deep sleep I was awakened by what I thought was Chris throwing up. However, as I fly up out of my sleep yelling at him I realize that he's still sleeping right beside me. Yes, I woke him up and scared him half to death! Upon awaking this morning I found that it was in fact our big dog, Frankie, that had been throwing up - on the bedroom floor. Got it cleaned, got dressed and took some good ol' ibuprofen. Now I'm sitting here sipping my very hot chai tea (with the honey and lemon juice) while I type up this wonderful entry. ^.^ Here's to a new day! I'll be leaving for my new job shortly, yesterday was my first day there and so far I'm loving the atmosphere very much!!

Falling into winter.

Fall has finally arrived in our backyard over the last few days. 

too bad it waited 'til it was time for winter before showing up.

Time, as it passes.

I cannot believe that today is the last day of November. This year, although in ways has moved as quickly as previous years, hasn't always felt like it was moving along at all. It's definitely been a year filled with changes! I faced things that most people would rather go their entire lives not facing. I became a divorce statistic. I realized that I was "that woman", you know, the one that the husband realizes he no longer wants. I was blind sided in more ways than one. Sure, maybe, just maybe, there wasn't physical adultery committed, but we should all know that it doesn't have to be physical to be adultery. If it's there in your heart, you've already committed it whether you've done the deed or not. I was betrayed. I was abandoned. Left without a home, but thank God for my family. I was angry, part of me still is. I will never go back on my belief that if someone can give you up and/or "fall out of love" with you then the harsh reality of the truth is that there was never any love felt to begin with. They mistook what they were feeling for you as love regardless of if you actually loved them or not.

Job hunting news

Over the past few weeks I've managed to get a few interviews. [sarcasm] I've only been looking for a job for month now! [/sarcasm] Yesterday I interviewed at an amazing place and I just so happened to score a second interview! I will be leaving here in about ten minutes for it, so wish me luck!!

Thanksgiving 2010

‘It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar,

and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. 

But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. 

There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, 

for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.’

This was not only my first Thanksgiving as a newly wed to my wonderful husband Chris, but also my first official holiday with his family. (( This was also my very first Thanksgiving away from the ex and his family, being with them had become a tradition over the past ten years. )) A first of many firsts over the next year. A year that I'm looking forward to and so happy to be experiencing! 

'Tis the Season

My ex husband hasn't been able to locate my bag of Christmas ornaments, so while I have a tree to put up, I'm without decorations to put on it! I've had the wonderful idea of doing an ornament exchange! The idea is for you, my friends, to pick an ornament out that represents you, then send it my way and I will do the same. I love the idea of being able to think of each and every person who has touched my life while viewing my wonderful Christmas tree during a season that is all about being with the people we love!!

Sickness & TMI

I was horribly sick monday. Apparently at one point or another I picked up some kind of stomach flu. Luckily it was just a short 24 hour bug otherwise I'd have really been in a mess! I absolutely abhor not being able to do things for myself. Sure the idea of being waited on hand and foot is appealing from time to time, but when you're sick and floating in and out of consciousness between frequent bathroom trips - you feel like a burden more than a pampered queen. I must say though that I have the absolute best and most amazing mother-in-law in the world.

Saturday Nights

Chris and I have been married for two months; we've know each other for four. Crazy? A little. Life changing? Yes. Love? SO much! Worth the pain of the months prior to our meeting? YOU BET.

Saturday 9

[01] What do you see when you are watching the wheels go round? Watching the wheels go round... what kind of question if that!?! What wheels?
[02] Do you watch reality shows? Nope, sure don't.
[03] What's your favorite all time reality show? Don't have one. I've never cared for them, they're just too fake, but I did watch the Osbornes there for a while.
[04] Do you feel "reality" shows are real or are they faked? Fake fake fake.
[05] What does your personal neon sign say to the world? Smile!
[06] Ever seen a neon sign with certain letters burned out so that it said something unintended? Personally... I don't think so, but then again it's possible that I have and just don't remember.
[07] What gives you a headache? Strong smells, a room filled with smoke, really loud noises and sometimes just random things.
[08] What song, artist or album in your music collection would you pull out and play if you wanted to give your roommate/neighbors a huge, head-splitting headache? Nothing. I don't have any wild music anymore. lol.
[09] What do you do to relieve stress? candles, music and a really hot bubble bath.

Excetra, excetra

My last paycheck just came through from Magellan. One hundred and sixteen bucks to get me through until I have another form of income. Yes, while that is slightly scary I know that we'll be okay. On a very good note the hubby keeps getting some amazing job offers. We'll see what happens! 

I love that I'm going to be watching a few kids again. I'm so excited! I love getting crafts together to do with them and going to the park, ext. It's so much fun to watch a little one learn and see new things. Plus I'll actually be "teaching" again in a sense.

Creativity

Feeling very creative tonight, why can't this hit during the day!?! o.O 

I've got to start doing something here at blogger, I'm just not sure what. I guess I could start back trying to do a meme for each day of the week, that would give me a little bit of content at least. I wish I could afford to make things again... gr.

I'm pretty sure that I'm going to be making homemade presents again for Christmas this year, so I should probably buy what I'll need and get started on that soon!!! 

On a side note, I have GOT to get started on our scrapbook! Ooooh, yard sale hopefully this weekend if the weather permits it! ^.^

just a quick hello!

left work after four hours today, just couldn't get through any longer. i was feeling extremely sick.

haven't had time to breathe lately, on the go constantly, but life is awesome!!

one more essay and i'll be done with my lit class thank goodness, so far i have a 97 in there.

new fb info

I've started over... again, always redefining and evolving. This time the place chose me. I moved to be with my wonderful husband - he is the most loving, caring, thoughtful and amazing person ever and he treats me like a princess.

Chris and I were married on September 2nd of this year. Before he and I met I was literally at a point when I thought my life wasn't going to go anywhere - boy was I wrong! God might have closed the door to my old life, but He had more in store for me than I could have imagined!!

I'm working towards my BA degree in Early Childhood Education. Meanwhile I've got an awesome job that I absolutely love as an assistant teacher.

Photography is my biggest passion! Soon I'll be working on getting my photography business going again - on the weekends.

My pets are more than that to me, they're my babies.

Surprises are just around the corner.

you can't always see the possibilities,

extraordinary as they are,

you can't always see an end to heartache -

it seems to stretch on, forever far,

then suddenly, as fast as it began,

there's a breaking in the clouds -

and you see the sun shinning in. 

copyright:diona renee

In may of this year i thought my life was over - little did i know, it was just beginning. I was scared, alone and felt unlovable. However, God brought the most amazing man into my life. His name is Chris and he and I got married last Thursday. My life has never been this good. Now if only I could find a job!!!

Life is what you make out of it.

♪ ♫ ♪ i didn't know that i would love you like i do i didn't think that i was ready to

but there's something about the way you take my hand, it's like i never touched a man

and it's a beautiful thing you make me shy and  you make me proud

it's a beautiful thing you make me laugh out loud and when you pull me to you I unravel

i didn't know that love would fill me up so good i tried before but then you know it never would

but there's something about the way you call my name, now I'll never feel the same   ♪ ♫ ♪

What choices do we have in relating to life? What are the three positions to relate to life? Imagine life like a fast flowing river, where you can see the white foam on top of the waves. In this fast flowing river, you have three choices.

The first alternative is trying to swim upstream in opposition to the flow of the river. The second alternative is trying to hold on to a static position in the river by grabbing on to a branch of a tree, which hangs down over the river. The third alternative is simply relaxing and allowing us to be carried by the flow of the river wherever it takes us.

The Fall.

♪ ♫ ♪  feels like reckless driving when we're talking
it's fun while it lasts, and it's faster than walking,
but no one's going to sympathize when we crash
they'll say "you hit what you head for, you get what you ask"
and we'll say we didn't know, we didn't even try
one minute there was road beneath us, the next just sky

i'm sorry i can't help you, i cannot keep you safe
i'm sorry i can't help myself, so don't look at me that way
we can't fight gravity on a planet that insists
that love is like falling and falling is like this  ♪ ♫ ♪

sometimes lines get blurred; crossed.

what is it you do when you were already so close to falling.. 

there you were, teetering on the brink of the unknown..

then all of a sudden you close your eyes and take that leap.

i'm scared. i've opened myself up for more than i planned.

My climb.

7 months ago I posted this self made quote on my tumblr:

"sometimes that person we never thought we’d be is the one staring back at us in the mirror."

How was I to know just how true that would was? 7 months ago I was still married. It isn't that I'm dwelling on the past, it just still amazes me that our lives can change so much in a matter of seconds. It's almost as if my brain just can't grasp such a concept. I've made it to the acceptance stage,  I've actually been there for at least a month now, but that doesn't mean that it no longer hurts. The one person that I decided to put my entire trust in, the one person that I believed would never let me down - is the one person who let me down more than anyone ever has. It wasn't just the family that we had created between us that he took, he took everything I'd ever known. Family. Friends. My home. Everything. I was 17 when we got together, 19 when we were married. I made being a wife my job before I was even one.  Instead of entering into the real world when I left high school I entered into a relationship - only now am I really entering the "real" world and it's nothing like I thought it would be. 

Being random

today is one of my, "not as great as usual" days. not sure why. i'm just glad these days are so few and far between now compared to how they where when this journey was first beginning. wanna know the best thing about it though? i have more than enough reasons to smile, so that's what i'm going to do! besides, soon enough my day will be brighter.... ♥

Between love and madness, lies xenophobia

This journey

This is the hardest journey I've ever been on. I was thrown - pushed - into it suddenly, without notice and it feels like I've been teetering on the edge of a cliff ever since. I'm still healing, still reeling, from my husband telling me that he's been miserable the entire time we've been together. There is still pain in my heart, no void any longer, but still very visible pain.

Knowing.Living.Learning.

You don't know someone until you've lived with then, but even then it's not a guarantee. Sometimes people bring out the worst in each other. Sometimes people lose who they are in another. You live, you learn.

Mind and Body

The body and mind are interconnected and emotions play a big part in determining one's health status. Stress and its negative effect on the immune system remains the major challenge to good health. The immune system with its holistic nature is significantly affected by its close associations with psychology, neurology, endocrinology, nutrition and the environment. Recent studies show 70-80% of all physician visits are stress related; 80% health problems are stress related; 100 million people "out" everyday due to stress; and 40% employee turnover due to stress. Chronic stress depletes the body's resources and ability to adapt. Over a long period coping functions are compromised and illness results.

A comprehensive approach to maintaining good health includes increasing self-responsibility for wellness, healthy lifestyle choices, health-promoting diet and a positive mental attitude. The concept of "Don't Worry. Be Happy," is not new. By the end of the 1970's several studies had shown that negative emotions suppress immune function. The 1979 book, Anatomy of An Illness, by Norman Cousins was a personal account of his experience using positive emotional states (humor and laughter) with guided imagery and meditative states to enhance immune system function in the face of serious, life-threatening disease.

Sticks and Stones

Combating Emotional Abuse; Emotional abuse is an often overlooked form of abuse. Words CAN and DO hurt.

What is Emotional Abuse?

Constant criticism. demands and rejections.

Unreasonable jealously and jealous rage.

Deliberate flirting and unfaithfulness.

Insults, rude nicknames.

Attacks on what a person is rather than what a person does.

Excessive or hurtful teasing.

Verbal abuse is a pattern of behavior that can seriously interfere with a person's healthy emotional development. Regular exposure leads to significant detriment of a person's self-esteem, emotional well-being, and physical state.

You've been fairly warned.

I should come with a warning. Manic depression bouts, mood swings and oh yeah – you know that hysterectomy I had - let’s add menopausal to that list. There are days that I feel like the entire world is against me and there are days when I feel like I’m the one against the whole world and yes, there is a difference. I have a very, very hard time seeing the gray areas in life. I’m loud and entirely too outspoken. Unfortunately I mostly speak without thought. I have so many flaws that I’ve lost count. I am very hard on myself and had high expectations that I can never seem to grasp. I’ll put those expectations on you as well, though not purposely or consciously. I am entirely too motherly. I’m passionate to the point of obsession. I take promises seriously, so please don’t make them. I’m tired of being let down. I will doubt you every step of the way while secretly putting all my trust in you.

4AM

He had his wedding ring off yesterday. He said it wasn’t like that, that it fell off when he was in the shower and he just hadn’t put it back on. That speaks volumes to me. If it meant anything he would have put it back on, right?

Photo | Random

our oldest chihuahua, pudd. he will be six in sept. he has alot of grey. lol

Put your mp3 player on shuffle, what are the first three songs that play?
Bad Touch : Bloodhound Gang
Anticipation : Carly Simon
Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner : Fall Out Boy

What are yours?

We don't buy no drinks at the bar

we pop champagne cuz we got that dough
let me hear you say aah (aah aah aah aah)
say aah (aah aah aah aah)
go girl, its your birthday
open wide i know your thirsty

jenna put together some drinks-
for her & the boy of her's

She believes she's got it all

she swears the moon don't hang quite as high as it used to and she only sleeps when its raining
and she screams, and her voice is straining and she says baby it's 3am I must be lonely
when she says baby well I can't help but be scared of it all sometimes
she says the rain's gonna wash away I believe it
she believes that life is made up of all that you're used to
and the clock on the wall has been stuck at 3 for days, and days

the fact that it's past 3am got the song in my head. i really should be trying to get to sleep right about now, but i'll put it off.. until... until. sleep doesn't come easily to me, it never has, but lately that on top of my sinusitis is kicking my butt. luckily i was able to drop the temp. in the house this morning and actually get some sleep for about three hours. i despise having a stuffy nose. when i lay down it's all that i can think about. i start to focus on swallowing, or my lack of swallowing that is - it's impossible because i have no air flow in my nostrils, thus my mouth is my only form of breathing - once this begins i have the urge to swallow continuously and i end up gasping for air because low and behold when i'm swallowing i'm not breathing! it makes for a hellacious night. now mind you i do suffer from sleep apnea, but at least i'm not aware of that for the most part - it never wakes me up fully anymore.

our rooster... tangible? ohhh yes...
because sometimes i'd like to "touch" him
all right and ring his stinking neck, he's MEAN.

Then you call me, call me in

you think I am your possession, you´re messing with a southern girl
but my recipe is on with your stale bread, yeah it´s hot

why do i start things, but then leave them without finishing?

i rarely ever manage to stick with things. it's depressing however thrilling when i actually stick it out and do what i began to do in the first place. hey, i did get around to finishing my 100 movies in less than a year last year! i told myself i would do it again this year too, but as you can tell that was a huge fail. i never even started. i think i got halfway through the 365 project ... don't even get me started on 100 things, did i even get 10 of them done!?! at least there's not a time limit on it and i can just keep adding...! oh, and my 101 in 1001 days.. yeah, didn't get that done either. why the rambling about all of this? well, i'm at it again.. i want to do a picture meme for each day of the week. obviously i won't do it every day, but i'd like to do it at least a few times a week! i also want to cook a different recipe each night for the entire month of june.

1. Macro Monday
2. Tangible Tuesday
3. Words of Wednesday
4. Thirsty Thursday
5. F???? Friday
6. S???? Saturday
7. Soulful Sunday

BTW, did i ever mention that i now have all the parts to my nikon D70? i'm so in love! ♥

Sinking

i need to find some inner peace. quick.

"As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world - that is the myth of the 'atomic age' - as in being able to remake ourselves." - Gandhi

i feel like i'm being eaten alive - so much discontentment. anger. annoyance. i'm that rug on everyone's floor that they keep wiping their feet on and i'm tired of it. wayd is the only person (excluding parents of course) in my life right now who hasn't been either walking all over, abandoning me or simply putting everyone else first. i feel like i do my best to drop whatever i'm doing when others need help... why is it that no one ever wants to help me? what i hate worse though is when i'm made to feel like an unwanted obligation. i fight every single day to get out of bed. my body hurts so bad some mornings that it's a struggle to breathe, seriously even my TOES hurt on a daily basis, but i "grit my teeth" and deal with it. i feel like i always have the weight of the world on my shoulders, but yet, no matter what - if someone needs me i'm there with bells on.

2 miles

we walked more than we ran. we also got rained on.

my "o" key is sticking and it's making me angry.

ugh.

i pulled the short hair off better when i was younger.
if only i hadn't fried my hair..... :/

Friday Fill-Ins #166

1. Why are you making such a big deal out of something so tiny?

2. I want you to take your phone and just delete my number.

3. So maybe then it will be on my terms.

4. Forget about me and see what happens.

5. I could use a nice little mini vacation.

6. I want to go see Alice in Wonderland and then have an awesome weekend.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to (see above) see a movie, tomorrow my plans include taking a few three years olds to the zoo with two friends of ours and Sunday, I want to relax!

Inspired.

I ran across the blog of a local female today and after reading several of her entries I began to feel inspiration creeping upon me again. I haven't been inspired to write in quiet a while. It seems the older I get the harder it is for me to keep up with things. I get in these moods, I suppose you could call them depressions really, although I don't honestly FEEL "depressed" or at least how I assumed feeling "depressed" would feel. I should put it this way, it's nothing like the horrible depressions I would slip into as a teenager, so I don't qualify it as such and just label it the "mood". I want to start sticking to things again and this blog is my "new" start, my attempt at writing for the world again. Now, what shall I write? I should probably begin with my day, but instead I'll just leave you with a cute picture of my middle chihuahua.